Its that time of the year again

I have preponed my new year resolution blog by a week this year.

A lot has happened in the past 1 year. It started with dejections and some how has also managed to end with dejections. A lot of good things have happened in between, though.

The year started with me being jobless in Amsterdam. My contract would not be renewed, I was informed. I was over confident, coming to think of it, I don't know why. In the next 3 months, I attended countless interviews in and around Amsterdam. I even travelled to the neighbouring country. I got offers - 1 I rejected and all others rejected me. Rejection is not a great feeling. Believe me - I know. Then the day came when I left Netherlands. I remembered the days I used to yearn for home and then I there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach - I didn't want to go home...I liked my life. But that was not to be.

I came home and I was suddenly ecstatic. I realised the moment I saw my family what I was missing. The next one month was spent in fattening up.

I took up a job which I didn't want to... purely my decision, for reasons that my previous blogs will elucidate. But I met a lot of interesting people - some to be wary of for life and some keepers for life. I was miserable at work, but I had fun otherwise.

That somehow seems to be the story of my life - miserable at work and having fun otherwise.

Then I got married. Being who I am - someone who is not dreamy eyed, has not a romantic bone in my entire being and someone who is pessimissm personified, you can guess how thinks would work out. It was not as bad as I thought, have to give my husband credit for that. As if getting married and moving to a new city was not a challenge enough, I decided to quit my job and change my career direction.

So at the end of the year when I am keying this down, I am in a city that I have come to hate, with no job and no life the way I knew it. Thats perfect... but all that is about to change.

So here goes my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION FOR 2008:

1. Lose weight - This item appears in this list 3rd year in a row

2. Control my temper - This is a new entrant being attributed to my new marital status

3. Be optimistic / positive - This one will continue on this list till time immemmorial

4. Study - Some form of this resolution is always on this list

5. Get a job - This is more a necessity than a resolution

Thats a short and sweet list - very much acheivable. As ususal, will revisit next year, same time and get a status report.

Something to mark the day

It's been a month since I have got married. That should be ocassion enough to pen down something. But no, thats not what has prompted me to write after such a long time. Its something I saw on my way to classes which did.
The day did not kick off in the best possible way. I was not getting an auto and I probably looked too wealthy to all the auto drivers. None of them would move the auto without a promise of Rs.20 overthe meter. I kept cursing everyone under the sun and kept shaking my head resolutely. Finally the auto I got seemed to have its meter jacked up to the speed of Rajdhani. At a red signal, I was watching the meter with a hawk eye seeing it burn a big hole in my purse, when I noticed a family.
The husband who was following the wife and the son closely was dressed in a soiled dhoti. He had not shaved for a few days and was quite unkempt in his appearance. But there was a smile on his face which is rare to find. It was one of satisfaction, contentment. His wife who was walking a couple of steps ahead with the son was equally shabby in appearance. She had a small wicker basket in her hand, maybe something she carried to work. She was listening with rapt attention to her son. The son - he was dressed neatly in a lungi and a spotless white shirt. His face was clean and his hair was neatly combed. He was dumb - he couldn't speak. He was narrating some incident - maybe something that happened at school or near home to his parents. It was apparently something in which he had excelled. It might have been as minor or inconsequential as him playing with a bunch of kids and winning or something meaningful like he doing well in a class test. Irrespective of what it was, his parents understood him and were visibly proud of him.
For the 1st time since morning I felt a small smile cross my sulky face.
The signal turned green and we lurched ahead. My auto driver apparently though that he was in a F1 race. A few paces ahead I saw another auto. It was stuffed with school children - there are no other words to describe it the scene. There were at least 8-9 childern aged 5-9 in that auto. They were hanging on to their dear lives. Perching precariously and holding on to every last twig they could find it was as if these young ones were on a battle path and it was a question of their survival.
The smile that had just a few seconds back found my face just couldn't sit there anymore.
One one hand I had seen a family - well described as a BPL (Below Poverty Line) family which seemed content and even happy - if just for the moment. And then I saw the future of India, wards of middle class families hearded like cattle to an abattoir.
I don't know what to make of the incident - except for that one of them made me smile and one of them disgusted me to no end.

Dineshaan gets engaged!!!

I got engaged a few days back. The ceremony was in Kerala. After an eventful journey back to aamchi Mumbai, which was literally floating around, the day we landed, the first task I undertook was to upload the photos of the ceremony to the net and send the link to around 150 people.

The list is not as huge as it seems. These are people whom I have know over the last 6- 7 years. Friends from college, sorry – a friend from college – she is all who has managed to be in contact with me, colleagues from the 4 jobs I have held in the past 4 years, kids I taught, a couple of people who know me more than I myself do, a few relatives… well the list is loooong!!!

When I got the reactions back from these wellwishers, I decided to compile them for posterity sake. Of course, the good wishes and congratulations formed a part of all the wishes (it is at moments like these that I thank God for having given me the opportunity to meet so many people from so many walks of life who actually took 10 minutes of their life to partake in my happiness and wish me love, luck and happiness ). But all of them had a funny line somewhere… so here goes….

All of you are looking great and Padmaja (my mom) looks relieved.

Thank you for the lovely pictures!! You have been point of discussion here, we were all very curious about your engagement.. Congratulations :-) It is good that you're so 'triggerhappy' ;-) now we can all enjoy.

Happy to know your quest has come to a successful end!

Arre yeh kyaa hua......India jaatey hi:-)????

I had the feeling like being there physically in the function. He looks very good.

You look so beautiful in your Indian clothing :-)

What a surprise.

You are forever giving surprises.

The photos are Very Very good. I mean you are looking really good (lady like!!!).
And your better half is also very handsome!

Thought u would be wearing a sari for the engagement

So young…so innocent…. Poor guy!

You look smart when dressed, with mehandi, lip stick and…… I can’t believe

Deee kochee.. karyamayittano?? Enikku randu moonnu fotos send cheythu thaa.. ivied elalm blocked aa… seriously u got enganged?? Ooooppssssssssssssssss

shii.. do i know you?? u sure don't look familiar.
whaaa.. how could u just send me snaps without any background or warning..c'mon send me the details.. from the looks of it he looks like a financial analyst of sorts.
i was looking at the snaps and thinking ' who’s getiing engaged in these pics??" i tght u sent me some relative's snaps.. good that you choose a complete make over.

can not believe .................. u r looking so much girlie.

He is cute, looks like a bachoo

u both look very pretty together. U are looking very sweet

cool pics.. aalaake maareettundu ippo.. kalyanam okke fix aayappo kurachu bhangi thanne koodiyo? :) .. pinne thante chekkan ee photosil onnum dravidinte pole illatto.. athaa profile fotoyude pratheykatha aayirunnooo nna thonnunnath.. any way my hearty congratulations.. ennathekkaanu nischayichathu?

veedoru onnonnara veedanallo.. thaan aalu vallya party aanu alle ? :) ithonnum njan arinjirunnilla.. :)

you are looking really beautiful...couldn't believe it was you..i really liked the picture showing your side profile....you look amazing....your punjabi colour is also very nice.....:) You and Krishna Kumar are looking good together....

Congrats!! Nice catch i wud say :)) you look really beautiful in the photos... enjoy the "savan" ka mahina romantically..

Tu to bhai se ben ho gayi yaar.. Kya lagti hai yaar.. Tu chkni lag rahi hai..Ur fiyance is also looking good. But tu jyada achi lag rahi hai.................

ur looking really very very beautiful masha Allah

guy is looking good...

aake romantic ayi nadakkuvano? rathriyil orakkamokkeyundo? enjoy this period.........its one of the sweetest and sexiest parts of marital life

kenavannae kannanan kothiyavunudoo, convey our regards to him.

Mole dinesha... dineshan adipoli.. oru katta buji look. Mrs.Dineshan was looking so diff..

nice pair :-) details please :-)

nalla sundari ayittundu ketto.

neee avasaanm enne patichuu allea.... ente aaaaa pratheekshaum poie mole dinesha.

chekkane patti comment onnum paranjhillallo, very handsome, oru bujee look.

u look great together......alangu sundhari ayallo. enthanu sari vendannnu vechethu

kutty...adipoly foto keto......sundhary kutty aayi....

photo is very good but u r looking very girlish

adi poli checakkan, paavom

I have one suggestion. if ur fiance grows mustaches he will not have that baccha look. what say
But even otherwise you make good pair. You look typical newly wed (aspiring) in bindi.

You and Krishnan make a great couple. By the way thanks for wearing Salwaar kameez for your eng. Jor ka dhakka dhire se lage--- Ekdum sari pehenti to hamara kya hota.?

would-be cku vishwanathan anand'nte oru chaaya ille ennu samshayam?

Suna hai key, Aap Hamareliye Bhabi la rahe hain? Congratulations..

Its really refreshing to know how people perceived me. The surprise that they have shown in my metamorphosis is not misplaced. You would know it if you knew me.........

Cultural differences

I was in Kerala chilling and relaxing after being back from the Netherlands where I had been for a year. I was narrating tall tales of my adventures abroad to the naive villagers.

Among them was a government health care professional, a nurse, Leelamma. She had humble roots, was married to an ex-military man, had 2 adorable children, doesn’t know much about the world and was not a great tracker of world events. She wanted to know all about life there. How did I travel, what I ate, what the people there do, how did they behave, are they good people….most importantly the obvious questions – the family structure there. Do kids live with their parents, do they love each others, and are they protective, do they marry, do they have children?????

I explained to her that I had not met too many married Dutch people; I met a lot of people in serious relationships. I met couples there who had been living together for 3 or 5 years, maybe have a kid also, but who are scared to death of getting married or have to even consider marriage. But they are totally committed to each other. They have all that we have in a marriage. I did not get a clue why they were so mortally scared of getting married…maybe it was the sense of loss of freedom.

While I was saying all this she asked me – do they really love each other or is it like they show in movies one night with one person and the other with someone else?? I thought about it and said – they were very much in love and very much exclusive in their relationships... then she asked – did they love their kids and take care of them and I said – yes, they most definitely do.. Maybe their idea of loving kids is different from ours, but they do love their kids.

So what is different between them and us, she asked? What is so important in a marriage, she asked? The question, per say did not shock me... I had thought about that much too often, but coming from her, it shocked me. Here was a married woman whose entire life was confined to an area of about 10 km in a village in Kerala and even she understood the basic fiber of human life.
We get married for various reasons. But whatever the reason, marriage as many people have told me is supposed to be a necessary evil. I don’t know about the evil part, but I think marriage is mainly construed as a hedging mechanism. It hedges the risk of you, well, dying alone. The risk is still ever present, but we try and hedge it. So, I guess in the real scheme of things, when two people love each other or care for each other, it is a matter of the heart, is there a necessity to legalise the relationship?

As Leelamma said, what a man and a woman do in the cover of darkness in the privacy of their bedroom remains the same – marriage or no marriage... so what is the big deal!!!

In another instance, I was walking towards the bus stop, one hot, humid, sultry afternoon. I was cursing the heavy jeans and the T-shirt I was wearing... Man, it was so hot!!! And then I saw a couple of Muslim women walk past me clad in black burkhas! And momentarily my thought was , are these people crazy, how can they wear all that black and cover themselves head to toe in such heat. What kind of religion teaches them that? I was convinced that they are crazy.

Anyway I caught my bus and once comfortable inside; I was gazing out the window and saw a couple of firangs. They were clad in stringed nothings and I thought to myself – what shamelessness. How can they be so…..prude?? How can they wear almost nothing and still be comfortable.

Then I realized what I was thinking now as against what I had been thinking just a few minutes back. I thought the Muslim women were crazy to be over dressed and the white people were shameless to be so under clad. When did anyone make me an authority on dressing norms? Where is it written that what I was wearing was appropriate?

The realization stuck me very hard that it was not just me who thought likewise. A whole bunch of Indians … why limit myself to Indians, a whole bunch of people in the world think on these lines…It is so silly that a race as evolved as the human race still fights or judges others on matters as trivial as what you wear. If a girl wears low waist jeans she’s got to be a bitch, if a guy wears a floral shirt, he is gay for sure!

When do we actually break out of the confines of our petty thoughts? When do we actually become the advanced of all the species on earth?

No time soon, I think…

Tale of 2 lives

Sometimes years go by before something noteworthy happens in your life and sometimes things just happen so fast that you don’t have time to note them..

In the past 12 months, my own life has just zipped past me and looking back it seems like one of those mega starrer Bollywood dish out – something like "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham" (literally). Its just that I’m both the Amitabh Bacchan and the Shah Rukh Khan of the movie, and at times the Hrithik Roshan too.

First I stood up to my principles of working for job satisfaction by taking up a job in a small firm in Mumbai. I put forward my family and the quality of my prospective work to the money that I was going to earn.

Then I backed out on those very principles, because, hey – I’m human and hence inherently greedy. I took up a job which paid me a lot more, guaranteed total brain numbness and took me to Europe.

I left my friends and family and it was here that the Bollywood part of my life comes into play. Tears galore. Heart breaks abundant. But still – one has to go…

Once in Europe, I was almost living my dreams, just almost. I had found a most wonderous group of friends. I traveled and partied and had fun. I saw Buckingham palace and climbed the Pisa tower. I played kai kotti kali, margam kali, went dressed in a sari to a James bond theme party, toured the famed Amsterdam “De Wall” - red light area….it was almost a dream.

The only thing which made it otherwise was the mundane activity of going to office everyday and doing something which added absolutely no value to anything in the world. But as I said before I had already given up my principles.

Then the world literally comes crashing down on me…I discover that my contract is not renewed. It comes as an instant pain and relief. Pain because – I don’t know why – the job was not important – all that the job was giving me certainly was. The financial strength, the European life… I was beginning to like and enjoy it all. Then there ensued a typical melodramatic sequence of me attending something like a dozen interviews in a foreign country which was becoming more and more alienated from me everyday. Rejections and more rejections – they became my constant companion in those last few days in Europe.

My last day in Amsterdam was almost as painful as the one 274 days before when I left India. I could have won an Oscar over that scene, the only thing being that my tears and the ache deep down in my heart were real. I was leaving my surrogate families to be with my real ones. What should one feel in such a moment? Sorrow or joy? I don’t know. I ended up watching 3 movies back to back on my flight which made sure that I forgot the sorrow and was not prepared for the joy.

Welcome back to India

I come with the idea of not getting into the 1st high paying job that I get. But hey, have you forgotten? I’m fickle minded, money wins again. I take a job that I had sworn that I would never do simply because I knew how miserable I would be from day one. And I was right. Or maybe it was the other way around. I was miserable because I had a pre conceived notion that I would be so. And so, whatever the reason, miserable I was in my job.

Meanwhile I bought a new car. After 7 years there is a car which my family can call its own and that too a brand new one at that.

And then I also succeed in not scaring off a guy, which means that I’m well on my way to marriage.

Two jobs, two countries and two major personal events.

Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s a lot of excitement for a year!!!!! And I'm sure there’s more where this came from!

Corporate Screening

Yesterday evening I went to the movies. The company that I work for had arranged for a corporate screening. I was impressed. Pirates of the Carribean - At Worlds end - Imax - Wadala - Rs.180/- a piece tickets. I was impressed. I was sub-consciously comparing the theaters, the seating, the crowds to the ones I had encountered in Amsterdam (where in my short stay of 9 months I ended up seeing more Hindi movies that I had done in 22 years in Mumbai!). It was an even competetion. The theatre was plush, the prices of snacks and drinks were day light robbery, the crowd was cool. Modern India was looking more and more westernised.

Inside the theater, I was seated comfortable with my Rs.110/- popcorn and my Rs.45 drink. There were chicks with low cut jeans and navel displaying tops. There were dudes wearing what can best be described as metrosexual clothes. They had the latest gadgets, they spoke in the typical Mumbai English with a lot of "Yaar", "Dude", "Bugger", "I swear" and other choice words & phrases thrown in for good effect in every sentence.

The movie was about to begin. The lights were dimmed.

Then came the anouncement - Please stand up for the National Anthem. For once there was unity in India. All in the hall - and I mean every single soul got up. Babes chatting away on phones, cut the calls. Guys who were loaded with popcorn and samosas and hunting for their seats or girlfriends or both stood still. There was no movement in the hall when the anthem was being rendered. I could feel the passion in the room.

We might speak English better than the British, we might have more gadgets than the Japanese, we might be bigger fans of Levis, Pepsi and Nike than the Americans - but we were all Indians and we were proud of that fact.

The movie was fantastic (if you don't search for a story), Jhonny Depp was so cute and the evening was really enjoyable. But what I will remember for years to come is not the movie or the popcorn. But the moment when a hall full of youngsters, often blamed of being too westernised and being disrespectful towards the motherland - stood up in unison to the National Anthem.

Jai Hind!!!!!

43 things I want to do in life

Out of sheer habit of searching for all answers on Google, I typed the million $ question in the search bar "What do I want to do in life?". Google was as reliable as ever and did give me answers. Lots of them. The most interesting of the results I found was a site called 43 things. Millions of people around the world have jotted down what they want to do in life. Inspired by this and for the lack of anything better to do, I decided to make a list of as many things as I could think about that I wanted to do with my life. So, here goes nothing: Learn at least 3 Non-Indian Languages - preferably French, Latin and Spanish Exercise regulary and get my weight down to 55 Learn Swimming Write a book Learn to read and write Malayalam Learn to play a sport - maybe tennis or batminton - professionally Enroll for dance lessons Learn to play a musical instrument - Violin Travel to all parts of India in the next 5 years Do my MBA from ISB in the next 7 years Pass my FRM Get married Learn to cook like Mom Learn to drive a car Buy a car Donate every year to a charitable cause Buy a house Get an overseas holiday trip for mom and dad at least once Own business suits in 7 different colours - black, blue, beige, grey, brown, black pinstripe, grey pinstripe and matching shoes Start gardening Buy property in Kerala Retire by 40 Start my own business / consulting / whatever - Be my own Boss Have a daughter (maybe 2) Learn to skate Learn to play chess (professionally) mmmmm ----- this has been lying as a draft for a very long time. Maybe I'm not too ambitious. Or maybe I'm not too innovative or imaginative. Anyway, I have decided that this is all I want to do in life as of now. In future... who knows the future? But changes in life may force this list to be amended to things like I want to live, I want to be a good human being, I want to be free....... Maybe.....

Megastructures

I am a self-admitted couch potato. There is nothing I would rather do with my time than curl in front of the TV with sole possession of the remote and freedom to surf as I please and watch what I want. Life has been quite good in that respect so far! One channel which has always been reliable in terms of being watchable all the time is NatGeo. It is really good, well, at least most of the time. One show on it has caught my attention time and again and that is Mega structures. The show is about what its title suggests - Mega structures around the world. The biggest steel and concrete and glass structures made by man. Marvels of modern engineering. Visions, really marvelous and unbelievable visions, ones that change the course of history or the map of the world. Structures which emerge as a tiny spark of idea in someones head, reflects in some vague sketch on someone's drawing board and by the end of the process makes its mark on human society and civilization and stays there for centuries. It is amazing as to how far a tiny speck of imagination can take us. I guess it is to these ingenious ideas that we owe life as we live it today. All the modern conveniences, right from the all consuming fire to the humble safety pin, all were initially just ideas - some born out of necessity and some out of - well - pure luck... I am overawed by how much work actually goes into creating these monster structures. The dedication, the skill and most importantly the sense of purpose that seem to possess everyone on the project - right to the guy who replaces the drill bit. Its as if each one of them knows that they are helping in creating or rewriting history. Im sure that is a great feeling - something that gives you a satisfaction of having done something worthwhile with your life. Not all of us are lucky to be a part of something that is so monumental. But I guess we can still contribute our bit by being a part of the world which admires and utilizes and preserves these structures…

New Year Resolutions 2007

At the beginning of every year or lets say at the end of every year I face the same dilemma. I look back and look forward and see that nothing went as planned. That need not mean that things didn’t work out well. They normally do pleasantly surprise me, but they just don’t go as I planned them or lets be more realistic , as I wanted them, for planning has never been my forte.

I revisited my new year resolution list of last year. The first thought that hit me was the way my life has changed over the past year. I remember as if it was yesterday that I was sitting in my dark yet cosy basement room in Coimbatore and writing down the resolutions. I was quite serious then. I had no clue that in an years time I will be in a foreign land 8000 miles away from home and without any idea where my life is headed. I feel like one of those floating logs on their way downstream. They have a direction, but not one decided or chosen by them but one that that the river decides to take. They just go along with it. It seems to me that life is taking me in a direction and I’m just floating along – adrift.

Today I heard from a colleague a strange new year resolution – “I want to start smoking!” That’s strange. I have heard people wanting to quit smoking, wanting to lose weight – but someone wanting to start smoking – that’s almost unheard of. But her logic behind it was quite simple – new year resolutions are meant to be broken – so once she resolves that she will start smoking that’s the best way to ensure that she actually doesn’t. That’s the best example of reverse self psychology.

But that’s not my take on things. I think a new year marks a new beginning. Though prior experience teaches us otherwise, sometimes making resolutions help – especially if you set boundaries for yourself. Now if I wanted to look like Ash on 31st of Dec – it maybe stretching my fantasies too far.. but if I wanted to get under 60 kgs which I have not been for the past decade – that may just be achievable.

I see that most of my last years resolutions have worked out except for the obviously impossible one. No, I had not planned to look like Ash – this is even tougher – I had resolved to try and talk less. I think even with such an uphill task I have not been a total failure. I have been in circumstances where my vocal capabilities have not been stretched too much. So, albeit forced by circumstances, I have achieved most of my resolutions.

So here goes the new list:

§ Try to talk less (I am retaining this with the hope that I may actually voluntarily be able to do this)

§ Start reading my FRM book – seriously!

§ Read more and write more.

§ Maintain some discipline in life – I have been forced into it now because of circumstances and have been losing it as I have got used to the new circumstances and have bent my life around the circumstances. Not any more…

I think that is enough for a year! Will see this list again on 31st in 367 days……..

Lone wanderer

Travelling alone is never fun – or so I thought till I went to London for Christmas. The trip by itself was not too great, but my experience and realisation were worth the trip.

It can be quite tiring and boring to be wandering the streets of a strange city all alone – no one to guide you, no one to share anecdotes with… but it can also be quite a relief. You can actually do what you like.You don’t have to apologise to anyone for talking the wrong turn. You can eat when you want to. On my last day in London I just got into any bus which came my way and got down at any stop I felt like – it felt great (not particulary useful, but great none the less). Maybe with someone, I would have to justify my random behaviour – but when I was alone, I could get as dog weary as I pleased without having to worry about anyone.

I wanted to get a feel of the city and being alone helped me do that. By the end of my trip I was confident that if told to live in London from the next day, I could probably do quite well. That feeling – the feeling that you explored a city on your own and now know it quite well – is exhilarating. Yes, the fact that it is next to impossible to actually get lost in London is a major factor. But still for someone who is doing this for the 1st time in life it is a great feeling.

Living in a hostel, sharing a room with strangers from around the world, meeting new people on the breakfast table, going for long walks with people you have known for approximately 10 minutes of your life – all these are unique experiences. In the 4 days I was in London, I learned as much about Greece and Australia as I did about London.

I shared my room with two girls from Greece. For the lack of anything better to do after you have had a tiring day seeing every tourist destination London has to offer, we got talking and it was a cultural revelation for me to know about how Greece functions as a country, what they like (meat obviously), what they hate (Turks, I’m told), how they swear ( they do that a lot) and a lot of other aspects of their day to day lives. It was refreshing to hear a new accent and generally know a few people without having the obligation of having anything like a commitment towards that short lived relationship.

On Christmas morning (when the whole of London closes down, which I thought was quite absurd. It is London, for crying out loud! How can everything in London be closed??? Anyway……), as there was nothing to do, nothing to visit, I went on a 5 hour walk with a primary school teacher from Australia, who was 4 years shy of her retirement. It was interesting to see London and generally the world from her point of view. I came to know Captain James Cook’s adventures of how he discovered Australia, how Australia functions as a country today and what are their political issues (I was surprised to know that they have political issues!)… Also I learned a trick or two about how to read maps, not that it will really help me. If I openly admit to being a failure in anything it is directions and maps!

I went shopping all alone. Not that I particularly enjoy the activity of shopping, but it was Boxing day and boxing day sales in London shouldn’t be missed or so I had been told. So there I was buying all kinds of stuff that my Dad would have disapproved of.. but see that is the advantage of travelling alone – Dad wasn’t there. Though you miss the obviously necessary company of someone to comment on what you buy and give you essential fashion advice – not that I would have adhered to any fashion advise anyhow… I would be far better dressed if I were to listen – but that’s another discussion all together.

Walking along the Thames and being trigger happy on my camera I had time to think, contemplate and in general, appreciate what I was seeing and experiencing. Realisations that I had not had before, senses that I was not aware of before were awake and throbbing… it was great – I felt alive!

London Bridge is falling down....

....or so I had heard.

But no siree.. its standing strong across the Thames and it looks beautiful across the river in the night light - its bright red.

I have been in Europe for all of six months and was adviced that the four must see cities of Europe were London - for its barbaric character, Paris - for its beauty, Rome - for its culture and Barcelona - for Gaudi (what else!).

So out of curiosity about the barbaric character, I went to London for Christmas and it was an experience indeed.

First of all, its not as beautiful as is rumoured to be. Actually, its quite ugly in many places. It is a city where the ancient, old and new are trying to stand shoulder to shoulder, unsuccessfully. The modern glass high rises against the Tower of London or the Big Ben at the background of London Eye - it just doesn't gel. The South Bank Complex is one of the most ugly buildings on the banks of the Thames. The river does not hold any charm either. The water is just as water flowing amidst one of the busiest cities on planet should be - dirty, murky.

Secondly, there is an acute shortage of dustbins in the city. After 7/7, the city council must have apparently decided that the most dangerous things to attack the city would be dust bins. As a natural consequence the city is dirty - quite dirty for a European city.

Thirdly, there are only Indians living in London, or so is the impression that you get when you walk the streets. You can catch snatches of conversation in Gujarati, Punjabi, Tamil and Malayalam.. you kind of wonder where all the English people of England are!

Fourthly, you do see its barabaric character - the whole of Tower of London is barbarism personified, the statues outside the Royal Residence - all are reminiscent of the bygone bloody era of the British empire.

Fifthly, the public transport system of London is absolutely superb. It is difficult to get lost in the city, unless you are just too dumb or are on a mission to get lost. This is one area which I sincerely wish India could adopt. The system is efficiency potrayed to a hilt - its almost perfect! The only problem I could think of is that it would be terribly hot and sweaty in the underground in the summer.

Sixthly, though the goverment of UK is unanimously known to wag its tail to everything that USA says, the people think otherwise. There is open and widespread ridicule towards all that is American.

It is a city so warped in its history and so caught up in trying to be modern that it ends up no where. It has its moments but not the best city I have seen and I haven't seen many. Maybe the expectations from the city are astronomical and it just falls short of them...

Definitely worth a visit, but I don't know abot it being one of the most beautiful cities in the world! I wouldn't vote for it.

The Devil Does wear Prada

How many of us pass through life without ever realising our dreams, most of the time without even having a dream. In this context, I can’t but help telling you about the latest movie I saw – “The Devil Wears Prada”. It was a great movie. With Meryl Streep in it – it couldn’t be anything else. But this is not a movie review - I didn’t like the movie only for its actors or its comic sense or for the fact that I had to pay a lot lesser to see the movie that I thought I would have to. I liked it because it got me thinking about my life. This is not a movie about a person from a poor family or some one who is disabled fighting against all odds and becoming someone. This is about common people – people like me.

The story is about Andrea, a bright young girl who refused a seat at Stanford Law for a career in journalism about which she was passionate. She has absolutely no sense of fashion or style. She is desperately looking for a break in journalism and takes the first offer which comes her way. She becomes an assistant to the editor of the “Runway” which is a movie substitute for something like “Vogue”, the absolute wrong job for someone with a pathetic sense of fashion. Her job entails a good salary, meeting a lot of famous people, going to Paris – generally a façade of glamour. But her actual job is fetching the coffee, making the appointments, doing homework for the Boss’s twins…a far cry from the serious journalist she wanted to become. She whines her way through the first few days of her job because her Boss terrorises her, her heart is not in her job and most importantly, she does not respect the work, simply because she does not think that fashion is as important to the state of affairs of the world as maybe hunger, politics and terrorism. When she realises that she is actually capable of more, she plunges head on to meet the challenge – even though it was never her challenge to begin with. By the time she gets good at her job, which is in less than a year, she has stepped on people on the way to success, lost her friends and cheated on her boyfriend. Her life is good, in the eyes of the bystander but she hates it. Its just not her life and she decides to change it.

Most things in the story are true with most peoples lives. It’s the last sentence that most people don’t follow through with. Its such a simple sentence and still so tough a concept that to practically implement it is by far the toughest thing that most people have to do in their lives.

In the movie, Andrea has one standard line for all the problems in her life “I didn’t have a choice” – till her Boss reminds her that she indeed did have a choice and all her choices gave her the life she currently was leading.

Maybe that is the one thing that most people don’t realise… or, let us give more credit to human intelligence – they realise it but they do not want to accept it. You do have a choice (about everything except maybe death) and your life is a consequence of all the choices you have made.

I am like Andrea – albeit for a small detail – she had the guts in the end to follow her dream – more importantly she had a dream.

I took the 1st job that came my way without thinking too much because I wanted the money. And since then that’s all that its been about – the money. I spent 2 years of my life in a organization which did not respect the profession of audit the way it should be respected. But even in such situations I have seen people with passion, people who believe in what they do, people who put their hearts into what they do. Such people not only survive but they enjoy what they do. My Boss (like Meryl Streep in the movie) was one such person. I can draw exact parallels between Andrea’s life and mine. The only difference being that by the time I got good at what I was doing I left the job for a higher paying one (simple reason being that I didn't have a boyfriend to cheat on and I didn't reach any pinnacle of success, so there was no one I could have stepped on the way). I chose to do that. I had another choice – take a job that I was really interested in and which would allow me to be with my family – the only drawback being that it didn’t pay as well. Now I am in a foreign land – far away from home and family. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing here. I honestly don’t know what I do and more importantly why I do it. In my limited view “I do what I do the way I do only for money”.

I could have chosen to do something that I enjoy and something that would have made me proud of myself. But instead I chose something that pays me well, gives me a good life style but deprives me of life itself. In the end your life is all about the choices you make and more often than not you do have a choice.

Corporate

The long intimidating unending cold corridor lined on both sides with art (interpreted as weird shapes in loud colours and priced ludicrously).
The uncarpeted marble or glass floor.
The muted lights reflecting off the floor.
The tall white people – mostly men over 6’ tall and an occasional woman - in suits – dark coloured ones – black, grey, pin-striped.
The echo of the heels of their designer corporate shoes (probably Gucci or Prada) clattering in a purposeful advancing rhythm.
The laptops carried under the arms, the sheafs of papers and note pads in folders resting in the crook of the elbow.
The motion sensor doors in front opening automatically so that the suits can continue without breaking a stride.
Pulling out access cards that open glass barriers.
The voluminous elevators that zip one up a 100 floors in less than 2 minutes.
The hushed conversations in foreign accents discussing world economics and politics.
The huge conference rooms with more art hanging gloomily around.
The geometrical precision of the placement of pens, papers, water and of course complimentary chocolates.
The overhead projectors hanging. The myriad hi tech equipment which almost no one attending a meeting knows how to use.
The ominous odour coming from the adjoining smoking room.
The high level (normally utterly unproductive) delegations that normally are good excuses for not working.
The complimentary gifts – pens, shawls, books, mementos, bags at the end of such sessions. The best proof of social engineering which can be evidenced in such situations.
The drawling presentations, the pointed but utterly meaningless questions.
The evening get together for drinks and dinner at an exclusive hotel. The deals that get made – both on and off the record.
The late nights (either partying or preparing presentations for the event which lead to the partying).

This was my idea of the corporate world. And I was not so far off the mark either!!!

Alien in my own land

I went to the British Consulate in Amsterdam today to apply for a UK visa. I had a bunch of papers with me and was nervous about having missed out some important document and having to reschedule the appointment. Added to that the fact that they take your fingerprints and scan it to see if you are a terrorist!! Common man, I can’t even terrorise my roommate into doing the household chores, let alone hijacking an aircraft.

Anyway I reached the place on time and the treatment that I got there was well worth this article (as I am writing after a gap of nearly 3 months)

First, I was politely told to stand in a queue for registration. Then a fat security guard by the name of Myra came, gave me a pleasant smile, and explained the security measures to me. She took pride in her work but she did not make anyone there feel like a born criminal. After speaking to the people in line, I was called by Security Guard 2 (didn’t see his name). He opened my purse, checked everything and later put everything back in order and closed my purse. I was directed with my token number inside. After waiting for just about 15 minutes, I was called to the counter by a lady who greeted me a sunny smile. A lot of my nervousness melted away then and there. I handed over my documents to her and she examined them. She asked to see my Residence Permit, which was wedged in an uncanny position inside my wallet. She saw my struggle with my purse and soothed me, “Take your time. Don’t panic.” It was as if that was the encouragement my card needed to slip out from the slot that it was cosily stuck. I had applied for a one-year visa, fully knowing that a first timer would get the visa only for 6 months. She probably knew that too. Nevertheless, she undertook to check if I could be given a one-year visa, though both of us knew fully well that this was a futile effort. She scanned my fingerprints. I was told to wait for some time and then I was given back my passport upon which I paid the fees and came out smiling.

Compare this to the experience I had at the Dutch Embassy in Mumbai.

I reach at 8.50 for a 9.00 am appointment. There is a bunch of people waiting outside. We are told very rudely by a guard to stand out of the gates – do not enter the gates and do no lean on the cars. Remember – this is my own country. We are told, “you will be called at 10.00 am”. We wait outside for an hour. Then when we get inside the building, the guard stops us at the foyer and orders us, “Please vacate this area. I don’t want to see anyone around here. Go down and wait.” Either the Dutch Embassy is his father in law’s property or I looked like a beggar – am not sure which one was true. Anyway, we begrudgingly trudge down. There is a small park bench – the kind that seats 3 people right outside the building in the embassy compound. A man and his wife dare to sit down on it. No sooner had their bottoms touched the wood, the guard came jumping about, “I told you not to sit here, wait outside.” They are embarrassed and walk quietly outside. Finally at around 11.30 we are called upstairs where I waited for another hour before my number was summoned. The girl at the counter was barely out of her teens (at least she looked that way to me). She was made up in typical “Corporate” fashion. I felt like a humble yokel before her. She disdainfully took my papers, threw the unwanted ones in my direction. She asked for an itinerary. As my trip was being sponsored by my employer in Netherlands, I did not have an itinerary. I tried explaining it to her. She adamantly accused me of being careless in reading the instructions. “Madam”, she barked, “all this is clearly written in the mail we sent you”. “But I didn’t receive any mail from you”. “Don’t LIE, you did, but you didn’t read it. People like you, I don’t know what you think of yourselves”. I listened to this string of accusations and knew better than to try and correct her. “If you say so and that makes you happy, then so be it”, said I. She gave a look, which was perfect for a convicted thief who had been released from prison and was trying to find a job as a Finance Manager. I finally told her the name of my employer and the period of my stay and then realisation stuck that my visa fees have already been paid and I was there only as a formality. She realised her error but does she apologise? No!! She says in a tone no less disgracing than before, “Come tomorrow and collect your VISA”. I thank her and exit the building. My whole day was overshadowed by the behaviour she dealt out to me.

It was then that it stuck me. Here I was in a foreign country seeking VISA to a country which maybe the 2nd most probable spot in the world for a major terrorist attack - I was treated with dignity and was served with a smile. In my own country, my own land, I, an educated professional who was hired by a MNC abroad was made to feel like an undeserving dog, that too by my compatriot. Then we complain when someone calls people in Mumbai the least polite city in the world. I am a true blue Mumbaite and I am sorry to say that I agree.

Nache Mayuri

I visited my Mom's college the other day. Among other things the purpose of the visit was to catch a glimpse of "Nache Mayuri". That happens to be the commonly accepted nick name for the principal of the college. Very rarely do we see a consensus between teachers and students over a topic, but they were united in agreeing that this woman was the worst thing that could have happened to their college in a very long time.

One of the old education houses of Mumbai, this was a college which in some distant past represented the best quality education that was available in Mumbai. It was a privelege to be a part of the institution. The standards were very high and the norms were exceptionally strict. Founded by an almost illiterate Gujarati, who unlike others found value in education rather than money. There were stories about him walking on the campus on surprise visits and blasting both students and teachers equally for being negligent on their duties and responsibilities. This was almost 4 decades ago. Times change and so does the management. What the father built up from scratch was handed over in a silver platter to the son (educated apparently). Like most Gujaratis, he decided to make money. He turned his fathers vision, his Vidya Mandir, into one of the most lucrative units in the family business, perhaps more profitable than even the sugar business that they were traditionally into. Then started the demise of this institution. It became a college which was the last choice for average students and the first choice for below average students. The quality of the students and the consequent academic results fell to a new abyss.

As a perfect representative of this downfall was the advent of the regime of the new principal a couple of years back. She is one of the most distinctive characters that I have heard about in my life and hence the desire to acually see her. Let me describe her for you:

A MA in music which is a surprise when you consider that her voice is as hoarse as if perpetually suffering from sore throat.

A principals behaviour should be one that can be emulated by students and teachers alike. A far cry from that our principals character and behaviuor was such as would have shamed a reform school juvenile resident.

Her dress sense put to rest all kinds of efforts by the teaching staff to imbibe a sense of decency in the teenage female population of the college. She came in the tighest and the most revealing of costumes available. OK, you cannot lynch a person for having a pathetic sense of dressing.

That would still have been acceptable if she maintained an acceptable line of speech.

Her classic statements:

" You girls, going on dates and all... lets see where you land in 9 months" - this was told to girls after the festival of Navaratri and a night of garba dancing.

" I went to shit as soon as I heard of the excellent results of our college. Most people get emotional when they hear good news, I feel like shitting" - This was in a staff meeting (all staff included) after the class 12th results were declared.

"You girls think you are pretty, Im prettier than all of you". - This is generally once in a day comment.

Her daily roster of duties:

Sweeping the floor of the college - We do have Class IV employyes for that.

Fighting with all teachers over the most petty matters available - That too at the top of that really sweet voice of hers.

Intruding class room lectures and inconveniencing teachers and embarassing students - She now a days says "excuse me" before intruding. At least things are better now.

Her favourite passtimes:

Arguing with the college sweeper - Raajkumari. Many accept that the only person in the college who is well suited for the principal is the sweeper. Their attitudes and temperaments seem to be almost the same and the jobs that they do are quite interchangable.

Chasing guys who whistle at her. (for obvious reasons)

Sometimes pinning guys to the wall and kicking them with her knees on their groins - quite a filmy way of disciplining young chaps, don't you think?

Its quite surprising how a woman of her caliber continues to be the principal of an eductional institution. Maybe it's just testament to the fact that no one really cares about the quality of education institutes or worse still no one really expects educational institutes to be the temples of knowledge where excellent personalities and consequently good citizens for the country are moulded.

10 facts about travelling in Indian Railways - 3rd AC

1. One can be quite proud of the quality of bed linen and the standards of cleanliness maintained. (No pun or sarcasm intended). Even for a people like Indians with a healthy disregard for cleanliness, the compartments and even the toilets are surprisingly clean.
2. Food from the pantry - hot, tempting, actually delicious most of the times and quite affordable. Obliviates the need to carry food for the long journeys.
3. Sleep before everybody else does. The cacophony created by the variety of snores, some of them accentuated by the gurgling of flem, is not the best bed time lullaby.
4. Have a scented handkerchief at your disposal at all times. Remember - when someone breakes wind in a closed compartment, the wind has no where to go!!
5. Noisy kids are a nuisance - both in general and AC compartments.
6. Beware of newly weds on their way to or back from their honey moon. There may be action replays of certain scenes which tend to make families traveling with kids uncomfortable - very very uncomfortable.
7. Always opt for the top berth, if you are upto climbing up. It has a life of its own. Once ther you need to come down to terra firma (though shaky due to the motion of the train) only when nature calls. Also top berths provide the best and uninterrupted view of the scenes as mentioned in point 6 above. That is free entertainment.
8. Though the standard of people travelling by AC would be expected to be quite high, expectations can be belied many a times.
9. You can actually enjoy the scenic beauty of the Indian countryside without sans the heat, noice or beggars.
10. All said and done, a train travel is always a stimulating experience - just keep your mind open to possibilities.

Define love

I recently read a very interesting love story. It had all the makings of a hit masala Bollywood movie. The girl was mistreated by her folks at home. The guy, who was a next door neighbour saw this ill treatement and sympathised with the girl. This sympathy slowly nurtured into liking which blossomed into love. When the girls family got wind of this budding love story, they put the girl under house arrest. The guy then plans a daring rescue operation. The love birds elope and get married. When they get back, the angry family members blame the guy of marrying the girl only because he wanted to usurp her land and property. The guy goes to court complaining of the kidnap of his wife. Also in an act of instant sacrifice, the guy arranges for the girl to legally hand over her property to her family members. All this done, the family releases the girl and our hero and heroine prepare for a happy married life...... This could have been such a tear jerker and could have been named something like "Pinjare mein kaid maina" or something like that.

But there is a twist in the tale:
Guy: 41 years
Girl: 68 years
Family: the girls 4 grown up kids

A first reading of this true life incident would have you amused. It certainly amused me.

But we have not endured the pain of being in love, the agony of seperation and above all the fear of being ostracised from the society for lending a man-woman face to an apparently mother - son type relation.

Should we term the marriage a sham just because of the age difference between the main characters? The story would not even have been worthy of mention if the genders were reversed. Should we consider this guy a pervert for desiring a woman his mothers age or should we consider him to be of an extremely large heart for wanting to rescue a woman from the plight she was suffering - the typical knight in shining white armour?

Should we consider whether their relation would be merely paltonic? Don't we expect it to be platonic? If a relation was to be platonic, was there a necessity to lend it a stamp of matrimony? Do acts like these mock the sanctity of the institution of marriage? Is all the heart normally desires, morally acceptable? Who defines what is socially acceptable, morally correct? Are any of the questions pertaining to what the heart wants of feels answerable in black and white?

I don't know....

I am just overjoyed at the prospect of love, even if in wierd and unimaginable ways, still thriving in this hatred - filled world.

Rumbling love

Rains continue to amaze me. The mighty rains are the lifeblood of our existence. Yet, how easily they manage to balance out the imbalance that man creates. One heavy bout and an entire village is lost. No wonder so many civilizations and species are now extinct. I believe that these beautiful, innocent looking droplets from the skies had a very important part to play in the way the world as we know it today came into being.

I hail from Kerala – a part of the country that is known to most people s being the land of paddy fields, back waters, coconut trees and yes – continuous torrential rains. One of the invariable results of the weather there is the delay in school reopening dates. Schools this year were slated to open on 1st June. Rains that were forecast for 30th may landed in full force a week earlier. Parts of the landscape started submerging and normal life went berserk. Amidst such floods, state governments postponed the reopening from 1st to 5th June. No sooner is the announcement made than the rains disappear. It’s steaming hot in Kerala again and there are not grey let alone black rain clouds even on the horizon. Kerala breathes a collective sigh of relief. Kids are pumped up for the new academic year – new books, new bags, shining shoos, flashy umbrellas – they have all the gear ready. Come June 5th and parents and kids step out of their houses – all excited and nervous and they are greeted by guess who??? The heaviest downpour of the week!!! 8.30 sharp and rains have kept their appointment with the kids. 9.30 – all the kids are in their classrooms, all wet and soaked – and the rains say goodbye for now. Its 4.30 – school bells resound in the corridors. Kids rush out as if freed from a prison after a life sentence and who is ready to take them home. Not mom, not dad, but dear old rains – that too with renewed vigour. It was as if the rains were never gone. People wade through the rising water levels and finally swim home. Once all are safely at home the rains sign off for the day. Just like that.

This behavior of the rains can be interpreted in many ways. As a scientific weather phenomenon, rains are season’s occurrences to sustain life on earth. As a pessimist you may view the rains as a nuisance that just lands on head (literally), very much like uninvited relatives, make life chaotic for you when they are around and then withdraw when they please with a promise to visit next time.

You want my take on the issue – a rain is like the love of a parent. They are eager to accompany us on the 1st day of a new venture; they are impatient and anxious till the loved ones are back. Their love can be embarrassing, can lead us into soups, can be smothering – but all said and done their love is just too much for us to do without, just like the rains.

MAIDEN VOYAGE

India is indeed progressing. Its not that I have harboured any doubts regarding its immense growth potential, its just that the proof that I got kind of over whelmed me. Maybe a decade or more back, a TV per 25 houses was the norm, especially in villages. I remember the times when as a child, vacationing in my grannys house in a remote village of kerala, our living room would be transformed into a mini theater of sorts for most of the village. A huge gathering would be assembeled at the house from morning to watch Ramayan till evening when the occasional Malayalam movie would be screened on national TV (cable was not available then). Now to find a hutment without a TV would be more difficult than finding water in the desert.

So it should come as no surprise to anyone that both the terminals of Mumbai domestic airport are now as crowded or more so than CST station at peak hours, thanks to the variety of low cost airlines, rock bottom air fares, and the upwardly mobile middle class of the society with their ever increasing spending power.

On a day no different than any in Mumbai I was at Terminal 1A of the Mumbai domestic airport to catch a GoAir to Coimbatore. I saw that the airport is not just crowded like a railway station, its just as chaotic and messy. Waiting to board my flight I see a couple of foreigners in their tweed jackets and khakis, a stylish Sindhi woman in her typically sindhi clothes yakking away to glory on a Nokia N-series, a group of IT Yuppies with their haggard looks and their ever present laptops hanging from their shoulders and then I see him – Senthil Senthalvarayan of CNBC TV 18 fame. As I contemplated my esteemed company I reached my seat 17C. I was shocked and surprised and for once I was lost on words (for those who know me personally – that’s pretty rare!!!). My co-passengers are a couple of people who look as if they have just got up from the pavement and have been given seats on the plane! Before you decide to crucify me as judgmental, narrow-minded etc. pray, hear me out. These people clearly belonged to the lower strata of the society and uneducated – a young guy and his mother. They were clean and dressed as they would have on any other day. Cheap sari, plastic chappal, no frills pants and shirt. The woman was so slight, surely not a result of diets and gyms, but a lot of unrelenting hardships of life and hardwork, that she was lost in the seat. I helped her buckle the seat belt. She was mortally frightened when the plane took off. I was scared that she might throw up all over me. But none of that happened. She was quite brave and other than covering her head with the pallu of her sari and screwing her eyes shut as tightly as humanly possible there was no reaction from her. I helped them buy biscuits from the flight attendants who obviously spoke only English. The rest of the flight was uneventful as I was quite busy shutting out the screeching whine of 5 year old I the row ahead of ours and penning my thoughts as they came.

I think that moment when I put my eyes on my co-passengers that fateful evening was one of the moments that I could declare to the world “Hello there, India has arrived on the global scene”! But strange is my country. When on one hand I rejoice at the thought of air travel (once the domain of the rich and bitchy) being available to the commonest of common man, on the other hand I am disgusted at the on going talks for increasing reservation quotas in various sectors of our society!

Where exactly are we moving? For every step we keep forward, how do we manage to keep jumping 2 steps back?

HALLELUIAH! JERKS!!

There are jerks and then there are JERKS. These are people who actually think that they know better than you what is good for you. These are not the genuine well wishing kind of people – those who don’t like seeing you go down a drain and advise you against it or people who by some merit such as sperm donation, umbilical cord, an intimate friendship etc are related to you. These are by standers who have to advise on every aspect of your life, whether you want it or not. Not only do they consider that to be their birthright, they also consider themselves gifts of God on earth!

I am someone who normally has an opinion for every thing and many a times I do render that opinion without being asked. I have been told by enough and more people that this habit of mine is far from endearing. People especially adults do not like to be told at every point in life what is to be done. Especially when it comes to small things like which shirt to wear, where to take the wife for dinner, how to spend a holiday, what is the definition of a nutritious breakfast, how much sugar is right in coffee….. At a later stage these are the very kind of opinions – brash, rash, unmindful, thoughtless which end up hurting people – though that might not have been the intention of the person expressing the opinion.

I was faced today by such a jerk who gave me a very final and imposing instruction regarding a decision I was contemplating to put into action the next day. Who the hell does he think he is?????? I am generally not a very close-minded person – I listen to every body and I take pains to agree or disagree with views expressed only by people that I value. The rest is just hot air. So it is understandable why I was irritated to the core when someone decided to butt in on a private conversation I was having with a common acquaintance. The issue at hand was important to me and quite a delicate matter. There I was discussing it with a close friend and Mr. Jerk butts in and decides to dictate what constitutes right and wrong behaviour on my part. He had not even heard me out before there was a barrage of what he thought was apt advice for my given situation. I was angry and that is not too pleasant situation for me to be in. This uncouth behaviour was topped by his analysis on where I erred in understanding my Boss or rather why my Boss did not understand me. I had had enough from a guy who did not know me or my Boss from the moon nor did he have any idea of the chemistry between us or the work dynamics.. Anyway the conversation came to an abrupt end and so did the evening.

Later, as I rewinded the event through my head I realized that people like Mr. Jerk had an important role in the world. They are the best tools for anger management. In all situations they invariably end up agitating you and you need to work very hard to control that temper of yours so as not to bash their face into the wall behind. That might well be the best tool for self-development that you can have in practical life and the best part is that they are found a dozen to one and their services are absolutely free. And for people like me they are an added inspiration of what not to be in life. So I guess, even Mr. Jerk has his part cut out in the grand scheme of things!!!!!!!!!