My first Christmas in London and I decide to spend it
outside. 7 years back I was in Amsterdam and had crossed the channel to spend
Christmas in London. It was my first trip to London and I still have fond
memories. So in tribute to that cross channel Christmas tradition, I decided to
spend this Christmas in Amsterdam. Now when you mention Amsterdam to anyone,
you can guess what is going through their minds… weed, gays, babes and canals.
For me it was none of this. It was two families. Two families which had taken
me under their wings all those years back, fed me, cared for me, put a roof
over my head when I wanted. For me it was like going back to home. So it was
with great excitement that I decided to spend the whole Christmas week here. I
shopped for Christmas gifts, did a decent job in wrapping them up and finally
packed my bags and landed in Amsterdam.
Everything felt like de ja vu. The names of the shops, the language,
the layout of the airport, the bus stand, the final destination, the walk up to
the house, the two steps to the entrance, the door, the matriarch who opened the
door, the warmth of the hug, the love in the smile, the “at home” feeling when
I entered the house. Nothing had changed.
Then the kids came – only they were no longer kids, they
were adults, they had their own personalities, their own views, styles.
Made me feel older. Then there were new faces. A lot of the people I knew had moved
on – as had I. They were no longer in Netherlands. They had been replaced by a
larger number of new faces. I met a whole lot of them in the first three days
of being here. Many of them had been here for 4-5 years. Their position as a
part of the "gang" was far stronger than mine. Who was I – someone who was here for a few months many
years back. Everything had changed.
Then came some of the things that I remember as being things
and events that I clearly didn’t like – the incessant partying, the attempts to
make conversation with people you don’t want to spend time with, the lack of
private time – upon reflection – the last one is an oxymoron of sorts. I am not
part of the families but I expect to get private time with them which in
retrospect would include excluding me. I’m sure everyone who lives here and is
a part of the families lives, expects the same consideration – everyone expects
to be equally special, to be invited to that special family dinner, that
special family occasion… not sure why that expectation when you know you are an
outsider, but the families have indeed been different to me. I have to admit, I
do feel quite happy when they introduce me as their eldest kid or offer me the
freedom that one would to their own kin. It’s a special relationship and I
value it as much as any of the few close relations that I have in life. Some things
have not changed.
So I made a decision – this was my vacation. I was not here
for anyone but me. I was here to spend some time with people that I genuinely
loved. Love that could be sustained only if it was unconditional. I would do
what I really felt comfortable doing even if that was not what everyone did or
what everyone agreed with – love becomes too much of a bother if you put others
ahead of you always. I was touched when I was asked that four days into my
vacation, I hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything, did I want to see the sights
- the answer came quite naturally to me.
Did I want to see Juhu and Nariman Point and Haji Ali when I visited Mumbai –
Nope, I just wanted to be home. That’s what I said. I wanted to hover around
the kitchen checking the fridge for leftovers, jabbering away to glory on all topics from man trouble to recipes for cooking steak, raiding the pantry for
savouries, lounging on the couch watching TV and feeling lazy, gulping down
vegetarian food made for me in a house full of carniviores, getting my leg
pulled, – basically feeling comfortable
and safe – feeling at home. I think this may be my best vacation in a really
long time.
It is indeed a very merry Christmas.
