The motherhood chronicles - III

It all started with an important occasion – mom’s 56th birthday on 21st April. I had a Doc’s appointment scheduled for the same day. We planned to go lunching and shopping after the appointment. I was still contemplating on what gift I could get her and had frozen on a portable music system which I could get from Chembur market. It was all planned out when fate decided to intervene. The day finally ended in tears with my mom getting her most prized gift of all – a grandchild.

All occasions since then have been blurred.

A few days after Nandu was born, I got a call from my Mom’s best friend wishing me Happy Mother’s day and for a few seconds I didn’t know how to react. Mother’s day was reserved for me wishing my mom and getting her a card or something – not that I actually remembered it ever. Thanks for TOI for reminding us of such mindless occasions promptly, as if I needed a day to tell my mom that I loved and respected her.

Then came my birthday on 13th May. It was my 1st birthday since I gained memory that I didn’t receive a gift on. No new clothes, no surprise gifts, no eating out – nothing. A bunch of well wishers did call to wish me and I enjoyed the attention shifting back on me, albeit for just a day. I guess all birthdays for a long time will be a replica of this one. And to top it all, it was my 30th. The one where I’m supposed to go over the hill. Anyway, I was more under the hill than over it.

18th May was Nandu’s big day. She turned 28 days old on 18th. As per our traditions, it was her 1st birthday. And we celebrated it in style. Our closest relatives, all of mom’s dear friends, neighbours from our society, a few old family friends – all turned up. Nandu was not in her best form on the day. She was a bit sick and spend her time partly puking and partly sleeping. I was happy to be among so many people again and though there were more enquiries about Nandu than me, it still felt good to be back among people and not encaged at home with no other thoughts than about Nandu and her feeds and her health and her sleep. It may be because of this attitude of mine that I over heard someone say, “What a mother, utterly no concern for the child.” Did it hurt to hear that - of course it did. Did I contest the comment – no I didn’t. The child had been puking and as I am generally considered incapable of handling the child, she was not brought to me for anything other than feeding. She was in the safe hands of my aunt and I trusting my aunt more than myself, saw no reason to be concerned or fawing over Nandu and basically not to be enjoying myself. I guess, you lose the right to enjoy yourself or think of yourself once you have a child. If you have any such selfish thought, you are branded an unfit mother. Anyway, the lowest point of the day came a couple of days later when we got the photos of the occasion and I realized that there was not a single photo of me with Nandu. There were photos with my parents, my aunt, my inlaws and even photos with my hubby. None with me – other than a consolation prize kind of photo where I was standing next to my hubby who was holding her with my hand strategically place beneath her as if to justify my existence in the photo.

The month ended with my parents 31st wedding anniversary on 24th May. A day as ordinary as it gets. It was exactly like 23rd and 25th May.

The only occasions that would dominate our lives for the next 15-20 years will have something or the other to do with Nandu. I guess all I can do is to hope and pray that all those occasions be happy ones.