Don’t be misled by the title – this is in no way a
recollection of my trip to Amsterdam which was my maiden international trip.
This is when I travelled to Basel for a half day meeting from London – my first
travel in my new role from my new “homeland”. The mere frustration and anger
that I felt at the end of that trip is adequate for me go on and on about how
messed up and manipulative the travel system here is. So I will rant and you
will read…..
The biggest bane for any company which purports to be international
is it's travel desk. I have come to a conclusion that the more money a company
loses on account of it's travel desk the larger they are and the dumber they
are. Rates offered by most listed hotels are lesser in many cases when checked
directly than when approached via your travel desk. When you ask for quotes,
for some reason the travel desk choses to give the most expensive options
available. After you have done your research on the internet and have provided
them with cheaper fares, they will repackage it and send it back to you as
original work. Then there is the whole approval system. The whole option will
have to jump through myriad loops of bureaucratic rigmarole. By the time you
get the approvals from your bosses who are conveniently located in 3 different
timezones, the prices obviously have gone up and then starts the process again.
So in effect, an average employee who travels 40%-50% of his / her time on
account of work, spends almost the same amount of time arranging the logistics
and then claiming expenses (that is a topic for another fun blog).
So, here I was prepared to go to Basel. The visa was in, my
presentations to the client were ready – all that was left is get to Basel. The
first quote that my travel desk sends me was 350 GBP for London Basel return
sector.. you add another 100-150 GBP and you can go to India and back. I am
shocked and get cracking on cheapflights.co.uk which tells me that there are tickets
on low cost carriers available from GBP 137!! Less than half the price on a
normal carrier. I send it to the travel desk with a screenshot of the option and they still come up with a fare higher
than what is shown on the net – they come up with GBP 167 which given their competency level I gladly
accept. Then comes the approval process which is not too tedious as I have only
one approver and he trusts my judgment to a great extent. Somehow between the
few hours that it took for the approval to come in, the fares have gone up to
GBP 215. I, having worked in the same company for 6 years now and having dealt
with at least 3 logistics service providers, had taken an approval for the GBP
350 quote and so was saved from the process of getting new approvals for the
fresh fares. So my tickets are issued. No one in the travel desk bothers to
inform me of the baggage charges with this excellent orange logoed airline. So
I land at the airport with minimal luggage – at least minimal as per me. I have
a laptop bag (which does contain only my laptop and it's charger), a small handbag, with some
cosmetics, wallet etc and a small carry on suitcase with a change of clothes
for my overnight stay. The lady at the counter informs me that I have 3 pieces
of luggage and I need to combine all this into one. Now, how much ever I try my
Mumbai elasticity on my luggage – it is quite impossible to fit 3 pieces of
luggage into a small carry on strolley. I manage to combine my handbag and
laptop bag and am forced to check in my overnighter. Then the lady informs me
of the charges – GBP 30 for that luggage – I paid GBP 30 to buy that damn piece
of luggage and here I am paying that same amount to get one suit and one pair
of night clothes across the channel on a 2 hour flight. Didn’t have a choice,
so coughed up the extortion money.
For the return journey, I was well prepared because of my
educational onward experience. I somehow managed to squeeze everything I had
into that small overnighter. Careful planning and my sizeable mass were quite
helpful in this endeavor. The check in counter again. The lady asks for my hand
luggage and I effortlessly pick up the 6-7 kg suitcase and show her. She lets
me in. Redemption at last – or so I thought. Waiting in line to board, another loyal
employee of this wonderful airline comes and tells me to fit my suitcase into
the onboard luggage “sizer” available near the boarding gate. I always thought
those things were for show or to be used to dump empty water bottles etc.
Anyway, my suitcase fits into that space just as well as I fit into a medium
sized t-shirt – there but not quite there – with the not quite there being the larger
bit. So the lady then makes me pay 55 Euros. Not sure how 30 GBP translates to
55 Euros or maybe there is another unwritten rule of how the luggage charges
goes up between the checkin counter and boarding gate by nearly 15 GBP. Having
no choice, I pay that as well. By this time I am at the end of my politeness –
I am as rude to that wonderful woman as I am to a Bangalore auto driver who
charges me heaven and earth for a 2 km distance.
Now you might say that alls well that ends well – I can
claim these as business expenses but that is not the point. The point is the
extent to which airlines will go to make money. Next, I’m sure they will have
something about sitting in a flight – standing passengers will get standard
fare, sitting with one bum cheek will cost GBP 30 and sitting on your ass fully
will cost you GBP 50…. I am sure that the lady who runs this wonderful
institution may be scanning social media for tips of how to increase her
revenue and if she considers this lucrative idea of mine, I would appreciate it
if she just paid back my GBP 100 which her company made me pay.
