You are hired!

As a kid I wanted to be a doctor. When I grew up a bit I realized that being a doctor involves a lot of studying and a lot of money outflow. So I dropped the idea and decided to become an IPS office. A few years wiser I realized that it doesn’t pay too well and you have to be saluting a lot of scum. So I decided I wanted to be a movie star. A few years down the lane reality stuck me – I was not Marylin Monroe – hell! I was not even plain Jane like Sandra Bullock. By this time I had finished school, Mom was of the opinion that I should take up commerce – Science was not my cup of tea and Arts had no future. Then she decided that I should study something alongside my degree as I had lots of free time (colleges in Mumbai are only for 3 hours per day). So I enrolled myself for CA. After 3 torturous years I completed the course (so much for not studying too hard) and had dreams of a high paying (at least 25K per month) job. It is with these star-studded dreams that I typed out my resume and started job hunting.

I actually went through the entire resume and certificates in hand, knocking at countless doors, appearing for innumerable interviews and facing rejection and even humiliation phase before landing the plump job I have now. Those were the days..now that I look upon them (not that those were eons ago), I have a hearty laugh. But that’s now… at that point it was sheer despearation and frustration all bottled up at not getting that dream job, at times not even being selected for 2nd rounds of interviews.

A few incidents from that period stand out in memory –

A pharmaceutical company. Morning 10:30 AM. Position – Assistant Manager – Accounts. Interviewer – Head Accounts. General accounting concepts were discussed. I answered to the best of my abilities. I had a feeling this might actually click. The place was good, the guy in front of me seemed like a reasonable fellow, the pay might also be good though it might not be a dream salary. All was fine till he asked me “Could you tell me what is s/165 of the Income Tax Act?” What the heck? Who actually remembers all the sections in income tax act (there are people who can memorise books and can repeat the contents at the touch of a button, I’m just not one of them) I was stumped. Instead of just staying that I don’t know, I said “Why don’t you hand me the Income Tax Act book kept on the shelf behind you and I’m sure I can search out the section for you. I believe that once I show you where it is, your English is good enough to read the section and understand what is written in it.” That was the end of the interview. Don’t know why, they never called back!!!!

A famous IT concern. Mid morning 11:30 AM. Position – Financial Analyst – International operations. After interviews with the functional heads I head for a final interview with a department, which in later professional life was to become the department that I was convinced, was a part of every company only to exhibit the skill of looking busy without actually doing any work – HR. Mr. HR manager informs me that as I would be dealing in international operations, the timings may be a bit odd. As I had expected that, I was prepared for it. I politely enquired, “What is my shift?” He looks at me as if I’m from Mars and tells me “You have to be in office by 9:00 AM”. I’m a bit confused. “What are the normal office hours?” I ask. He is even more amazed. He challenges, “How long are you willing to work?” I say “Till say, 10:00 – 10:30 at night. Approx. 13 hours per day”. He smirks and says “The actual work normally begins by 9:30 PM and may go on till 2:00 –3:00 AM”. I’ve had it till my neck with this fellows “higher than thou” attitude. I snap and sweetly ask him “ Do you have a guest house here?” - “No”. “Will you provide me quarters on the premises?” – “No”. “So you actually expect me to travel a total of 4 hours per day to come to work for nearly 16 hours?” He looks down on me and says “Every one does it. Those are the work requirements now a days”. I retort, “How do you know? You are HR – you’ve never worked a day in your life.” The interview ended there. I did not become the Financial Analyst – International Operations.

An old house Mutual Fund company. Waiting period of 2 hours - 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM. Heavy rains – totally drenched. Bored to the core and frustrated. People kept going in and out of the electronically guarded doors to/from the inner sanctorum of the office and I’m sitting there like a wet hen. I was almost feeling insulted. Finally I’m called for an interview by a guy who I suspect is nearly my own age. After 2 hours of waiting they send a rookie to interview me. I was seething by now. I’ve hardly taken a seat and he shoots, “Do you know how to calculate the yield of an equity share?” This was the limit! I conjure up my most sarcastic tone and say, “I thought this was a financially well off company and that you could afford computers.” He is shocked and is hooked on my bait, “We have computers!” I smile and say, “Oh, I’m sure that you guys do calculate the yield of equity shares, even in my absence and that it would be with the aid of computers. So when you have a system for doing something, why the hell did you waste two hours of my time to ask this meaningless question? I turn and walk out of the room before he could react. I don’t want to hear from them ever again.

The most famous private bank in India. I have to say that I was totally taken in by appearances and was smitten by their office. I’m interviewed for some post so insignificant that I don’t even remember it now. I thought I was actually doing quite well. The next day I gave a follow up call and I got a reply, which to this day rings in my ears like a resounding slap, “He was not impressed by you.” That SOB, HE was not impressed with ME. Who did he think he was? That two-bit clerk! Wish I could show him my paycheck now. He would most certainly be impressed.

I finally got interviewed by a bunch of people who were as unconventional, as off beat and as crazy as me. I still work with them. Birds of the same feather do flock together – believe me – its better that way!