Choices

This is an incident which evoked extreme reactions in me.

Someone from office wanted to quit. So what you say, people quit every day, why get so worked up? The reason is the reason for getting worked up - The reason for quitting.

This girl was quitting to stay at home and cook and clean. And yes, she wanted an industry job – which is euphemism for a 9-5 job. Who in today’s world has a 9-5 job??? She felt guilty of her husband doing house work and her inlaws were not too happy with the hours she kept. Even her parents sided with her inlaws. So instead of trying to work things out and keeping a job in today’s economy she decides to quit. What a screwed up mentality!! Who in the 21^st century or better still which educated woman in the 21^st century feels guilty about sharing housework – sharing life means sharing everything in life – house work included and childbirth excluded due to obvious reasons. And what kind of parents spends money and educates their daughter and forget to instil a sense of independence and pride in her? When asked why she couldn’t look for options to rejig her current work profile by either working from home or by leaving at a fixed time and then finishing off left over work at night, she came up with the lamest excuses I have ever heard. She can’t work from home – she doesn’t have internet at home. Even if she got internet access (which is not impossible considering she lives in Bangalore and not the bottom of the ocean), she apparently doesn’t have a comfortable place to sit and work – maybe where she comes from she hasn’t heard of tables and chairs. She needs to cook daily – the couple kind of whizzed past the era of refrigeration and she obviously has to wash clothes – they haven’t heard of washing machines either I guess. One way of looking at this situation is to say that they are newly married and really can’t afford a lot of luxuries. Another way of looking at it is – haven’t you heard of EMI’s and financial planning? And if you can’t afford these essentials (fridge and washing machine are no longer luxuries), then what the hell are you doing quitting a job that you already have? Have you gone bonkers??!!??  I actually thought that the best way out of this situation is for her to quit, sit at home for a couple of months, get frustrated with life, not get a better job, get pregnant and see her life ebbing away in front of her. Are we going backwards as a generation?? Most professionals in today’s world quit for better prospects or for a better life.

While I wrote that statement down, I had to pause. Pause and reflect on what I had written.

Then I read all that I had written and realized how judgemental I sounded. Here I was forcing my views and opinions on someone. Forcing to an extent that I was wishing this girl ill. I was actually characterizing an individuals right to peace and quiet and her prioritization of family over career as a backward idea. Where did that come from? Came from my upbringing, I guess. I have descended from a line of alpha females – we do what we want to do the way we want to do it and the rest of the world can live with that. Is that a bad attitude? I’m sure I have brushed people the wrong way and bruised a few egos and hurt a few feelings along the way. But does it mean that I love my family any less than this girl did? Nope. I love my kid and miss her as much as the next mom. And while I am not cochicoo and all dolled up doesn't mean that I don't like coming back to my husband or taking care of him (as long as the feeling and action is mutual). But here I am thousands of miles away. Is this how I show love? I view it as making a short term sacrifice to get long term benefits. Does the rest of the world see it that way? How many people mutter behind my back – that female, all she cares about is herself and money and career. Poor husband of hers – what a good guy for putting up with her and how damaged would her kid be, after all that she has put her through. Now do I think these thoughts? The fact that I am writing about these obviously means that I do, but do I really feel guilty? Sometimes pangs arise, but in such cases logic prevails – the head rules and placates the heart.

So if this works for me, why wouldn’t quitting from a high stress job, getting a 9-5 job (if there is something like that still out there), cooking and cleaning for her family (like her mom did all those years back), getting pregnant in the first year of marriage and taking care of her family work for her?