So I'm happy. Now ask me why??
I figured that I am not expecting enough of myself, that I haven't set the bar high enough. I know that I'm not extraordinary, but then I am not one who believes that there is something called extraordinary. Every one is good at something - sometimes that something may be nothing, but doesn't negate the fact that you are still good at something. I am one of those people who has been called everything from over confident to arrogant to cocky. There were times that those "accusations" hurt. Not anymore. I've made peace with myself. As long as I can sleep well at night knowing I haven't hurt anyone knowingly, I'm cool.
So coming back to self expectations.
I'm in Erie, PA. A place I visited for a week in March and wrote off as a sleepy town, nearly comatose. Now I've been here for a month and a half and you know what, it's not half as bad as I thought it would be. It's small, but there is nothing wanting (maybe a bit of night life, but I'm not much of a nightlife person myself, so wouldn't know if one existed anyway). It has beautiful residential areas, a serene lake, a beautiful state park, an amusement park which boasts of the 6th best wooden roller coaster in US, HQ of a couple of big MNC's, a couple of Wallmarts, a couple of really top notch hospitals.....
So I got thinking. If this place which seemed so dead a couple of months ago could have so much hidden within, how much could I have within me... and I don't even seem dead or comatose. I have all this energy within me which normally just goes in watching life go by and not actually participating in life. I'm not Bolt, don't want to be either, but should I at least run in the race which is my own life? I remember a line from the movie "The Holiday", "you should be the leading lady of your own life". I guess with no one around in my life as of now (me being alone and devoid of all familial ties barring the 15 minute call to India per day) I finally can concentrate on my own life.
I have seen that when I'm alone I tend to do things which actually enhance my personality, things which I like, things which make me feel like the leading lady of my own life, things which give me hope and happiness...Everything to do with what I think of myself rather than what others think of myself. I am aware that this is not a permanent state of affairs. This is but a brief hiatus, a momentary respite from "real life". But its proving to be the much needed breath of air that I needed when I felt like I was sinking in the mundane tides of my life.
So what is it that I'm harping about. I've taken up swimming. Of all the things to do when in US and to spend an obscene amount of money on, I decided to do it on a new skill. I decided that if the tides of life became too much for me, I should at least know enough to stay afloat. With that in mind, I joined private swim lessons and finished 3 classes. I'm not doing as spectacularly as I thought I would, but hey.. I can float and I can get a few strokes in... so I'm getting there.
Another thing I do here with a lot of dedication is gymming... I haven't lost oodles of weight, but I spend atleast 45 minutes in the gym - walking, climbing, doing weights etc thrice a week. So at least that discipline is imbibed.
My next aim is to start driving when I'm back in India. I have allowed myself to be bogged down by other people's opinion of my driving skills. I may not be good... heck I admit, I'm not good, but its nothing that I can't do... there is almost nothing that I can't do if I put my mind to it..
So, maybe this is a good time to pen down a few things that I want done before end of this year.. all for me and me alone (even at the risk of sounding totally selfish):
At least do a complete lap in the pool before my 10 lessons are over
- Continue with swim lessons when in India
- Continue walking / gymming when back in India
- Do whatever is necessary to drive independently in Bangalore
- Write atleast a couple of CIA papers..
- If possible (and if not an overkill) - start a new language course.
Even if I get a couple of things from the above list done by the time I redo my new year resolutions for 2011, I would be satisfied.
No comments:
Post a Comment