Great Expectations

There are times in life when you feel happy that you did something ... something that normal people are supposed to do.. like taking up a new hobby, traveling, enjoying life in a moment... something that seems to happen in other people's life... infact everyone's life but yours.

So I'm happy. Now ask me why??

I figured that I am not expecting enough of myself, that I haven't set the bar high enough. I know that I'm not extraordinary, but then I am not one who believes that there is something called extraordinary. Every one is good at something - sometimes that something may be nothing, but doesn't negate the fact that you are still good at something. I am one of those people who has been called everything from over confident to arrogant to cocky. There were times that those "accusations" hurt. Not anymore. I've made peace with myself. As long as I can sleep well at night knowing I haven't hurt anyone knowingly, I'm cool.

So coming back to self expectations.

I'm in Erie, PA. A place I visited for a week in March and wrote off as a sleepy town, nearly comatose. Now I've been here for a month and a half and you know what, it's not half as bad as I thought it would be. It's small, but there is nothing wanting (maybe a bit of night life, but I'm not much of a nightlife person myself, so wouldn't know if one existed anyway). It has beautiful residential areas, a serene lake, a beautiful state park, an amusement park which boasts of the 6th best wooden roller coaster in US, HQ of a couple of big MNC's, a couple of Wallmarts, a couple of really top notch hospitals.....

So I got thinking. If this place which seemed so dead a couple of months ago could have so much hidden within, how much could I have within me... and I don't even seem dead or comatose. I have all this energy within me which normally just goes in watching life go by and not actually participating in life. I'm not Bolt, don't want to be either, but should I at least run in the race which is my own life? I remember a line from the movie "The Holiday", "you should be the leading lady of your own life". I guess with no one around in my life as of now (me being alone and devoid of all familial ties barring the 15 minute call to India per day) I finally can concentrate on my own life.

I have seen that when I'm alone I tend to do things which actually enhance my personality, things which I like, things which make me feel like the leading lady of my own life, things which give me hope and happiness...Everything to do with what I think of myself rather than what others think of myself. I am aware that this is not a permanent state of affairs. This is but a brief hiatus, a momentary respite from "real life". But its proving to be the much needed breath of air that I needed when I felt like I was sinking in the mundane tides of my life.

So what is it that I'm harping about. I've taken up swimming. Of all the things to do when in US and to spend an obscene amount of money on, I decided to do it on a new skill. I decided that if the tides of life became too much for me, I should at least know enough to stay afloat. With that in mind, I joined private swim lessons and finished 3 classes. I'm not doing as spectacularly as I thought I would, but hey.. I can float and I can get a few strokes in... so I'm getting there.

Another thing I do here with a lot of dedication is gymming... I haven't lost oodles of weight, but I spend atleast 45 minutes in the gym - walking, climbing, doing weights etc thrice a week. So at least that discipline is imbibed.

My next aim is to start driving when I'm back in India. I have allowed myself to be bogged down by other people's opinion of my driving skills. I may not be good... heck I admit, I'm not good, but its nothing that I can't do... there is almost nothing that I can't do if I put my mind to it..

So, maybe this is a good time to pen down a few things that I want done before end of this year.. all for me and me alone (even at the risk of sounding totally selfish):

At least do a complete lap in the pool before my 10 lessons are over

• Continue with swim lessons when in India
• Continue walking / gymming when back in India
• Do whatever is necessary to drive independently in Bangalore
• Write atleast a couple of CIA papers..
• If possible (and if not an overkill) - start a new language course.

Even if I get a couple of things from the above list done by the time I redo my new year resolutions for 2011, I would be satisfied.

New things in life

A lot has happened since I last wrote.

I got promoted. I got a decent hike. I got a project which will keep me out of home for around 6 months this year. So I screwed my family life. My husband who has a steady job for 3 years, changed jobs finally. And now that he did it once, he is all excited and he is on the verge of changing to another job in less than a month. Our flat in Bangalore is getting ready quite on schedule. Most probably I won’t be around when we get the keys to our house. Go figure. I keep advocating others not to allow people to take you for granted and to ensure that you have your dignity. I guess all that is just pep talk for others and really doesn’t apply to me. We keep having plans of starting a family which we keep pushing to the next year or some occasion because “ it is not the right time”. I liked the attitude of my new client… a go for it guy who says, there is never a right time for anything. So why wait.. just do it. So simple. He runs a $ 20 billion company and if he says it doable then it must be.

Had a chat with the guy who keeps the kitchen at Hotel Avalon in Erie, PA where I stayed for a week. Spoke to another old man, who has been sober for 8 months, or so he says. Things they said seemed to echo conversations that I can have with any middle class person back at home. Most of the issues we discussed, Oh yeah.. we discussed issues over breakfast…. Were simple day to day things.. spending too much, saving too much, having a job, not having a job, good, bad, evil, god, drinking…. Kinda felt like home…. In a strange land, in a strange hotel, watching college basketball, eating stale muffins, talking to a strange black guy and an even stranger white oldie.. I felt safe. Caught up on the old episodes of CSI, CSI NY, Law and Order, Bones….. good use of time.

Walked around the town.. Erie. Small place. As Debbie at the bric a brac store down told me.. the town strives to keep itself small. Covered in pristine snow, it had a charm of its own. It is home to Gammon University. Maybe it’s a good place in summer when the lake is not frozen and people come out more. When summer comes here is another question, but whenever it does.. I’m sure it will be beautiful and the way things are now, I’m sure I will be there to see it when it happens.

Travelled in Air India for the 1st time and I have to admit, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. The food was great, to say the least. The service was ok… can’t compare it to Emirates. What really let me down was the entertainment. There wasn’t enough to keep me occupied for 8 hours on my way up to Frankfurt, I wonder what I would do for a 21 hour flight down to Mumbai.

Waiting for life to just pass me by…