MILLION DOLLAR DREAMS

Things don’t always go the way u want them to. In fact, they almost never do.

Every one dreams as kids. There is something about innocence that makes us dream. We dream up fantasies, fairy tales, plans for future, ways to make the world a better place, space travel, marriage, love…all is well dreams. Dreams are happy. We get to be a doctor and save hundreds of lives, or an actor and give the thank you speech at the Oscars or discover a planet and become world famous. We become rich. We are happy. We are always happy in our innocent dreams…our childhood dreams.

Then we grow up. We understand, rather we make believe that dreams don’t actually come true. All those inspirational stories about live saving doctors and Oscar winning actors are just what we thought… dreams and dreams only. Reality bites and bites hard. We cower in front of what seem to us, a Herculean task – keeping ourselves happy and satisfied (meaning food, clothing and shelter). But food translates into Rs.1400.00 a meal, twice a week affair, clothing becomes Rs.3000.00 for a designer shirt and Rs.5000.00 for branded shoes and shelter becomes a 1 crore shindig which hardly has enough space to move around in a concrete jungle.. the price of a fancy address. We get educated with these goals in mind, we work like asses for these material possessions and end up with them. We do.. at least I have. No, I don’t have a one crore flat in Pali Hill, I haven’t ever been to the TAJ or the Oberois and I don’t own a single piece of designer clothing – not even a pair of Levis jeans. But… but I am in a position to afford at least a couple of these things and maybe if I push myself over the edge even the one crore house maybe mine. I would at last have everything and then I would realize that I have nothing.

I was so busy trying to earn and achieve what I though was my dreams that I never realized that that my dream was infact a mirage… it was never meant to be. I looked back over my life and realized that I did not become a life saving doctor or an award-winning actor. I spent my life doing some half brained job in which I had no conviction, trying my best to kiss my superiors ass and getting happy when the pay cheque came at the end of every month – I thought it was worth it all. I did not find love – I left behind all who loved me because I had more important things on my mind then, I did not get married or if I did, its almost non existent now, I did not have kids or if I did, they have turned out to be my worst nightmares, I don’t have anybody to grow old with because I have a one crore house but I don’t have a home, I have designer clothes but no where to go wearing them because I have only colleagues and no friends, I have money to buy the best meals but I can’t afford to relish even simple dal-chawal because I have a hoard of fancy diseases and have to nearly starve myself if I have to live. The irony of life!

Why do we not enjoy simple things in life? When we get wet in the rains, why is our immediate concern the ensuing cold and cough, why can’t we just enjoy the feeling of raindrops washing away all our worries? When we miss a train or a bus, why do we panic as if that were the end of the world, why can we not consider ourselves blessed that God has given us enough time to catch the next bus or train? When we see a small baby smile, why does our though train run to its future rather than enjoying the sweetness of that smile?

Why do we get scared of our dreams, as we grow older? Why do so many inhibitions haunt us as we gather more knowledge? Does wisdom come with resignation to ones fate? Why do we no longer believe that anything is possible? Why do we become incapable of enjoying life? Why do we fail to live?