Rupa weds Rani

“30 couples have committed suicide in Kerala in the last 5 years.”

“19 year old girl attempts suicide after family opposition to torrid love affair.”

These are no normal stories; these are results of our society’s reactions towards homosexuality – same sex love affairs. Especially lesbianism - affairs of women in love with women. I had an argument with my mother over this. She was shocked as to how on earth could such a thing have happened in a literate and open minded state like Kerala! Of all the hypocrisy that I have faced in this world, that took the cake. Here was a woman from the thriving middle class of the Malayalee society who has been living in Mumbai for almost 30 years and has been exposed to a lot of open mindedness but who in the confines of her personal life would not even consider getting her only daughter married to a guy who was not a Nair and too exactly the same sub caste. I am not blaming her. She is my mother and she is only looking out for me. But I can’t imagine her reaction if ever I told her that I were a lesbian. I don’t think education has anything to do with your outlook of homosexuality.

Is homosexuality a crime? Why is it difficult to accept that people of the same sex could be madly in love with each other just as a man and a woman? Why is what two people who love each other, enjoy each others company, who care for each other deeply and want to spend their lives with each other, do in the privacy of their bedroom so important. Why do homosexuals have to infinitely hide the truth of their relation behind the curtains of “good friendship”? Do we pry into the details of the sexual lives of heterosexuals? Do we judge a married couple by whether the man has a fetish or whether the woman likes to be on top? As long as it is a man and a woman it is ok! Why is that?

Even within homosexuality I see the gender bias coming in. I am sure India has as large a number of gays as lesbians, maybe more. But gays committing suicide, gays being the centre of attention etc is not a issue that has come into limelight. I know Ashok Row Kavi as a famous gay activist. I don’t know about any lesbian activists. Is it harder for lesbians than it is for gays? I would never know..

Does it ever occur to the society that homosexuality could actually be good. Homosexuals obviously can’t make babies. Maybe the % of adoptions would go up. May be more orphaned children would get a life. This is just one aspect. When it is two of the same sex in a relationship, maybe instances of oppression, family discord, marital violence would be less as both are on level playing fields.

I have seen on History Channel that in one of the first and most advanced civilizations of the world i.e. the Roman civilization, being a heterosexual was considered a weakness especially among men as it implied that a man (a superior being) had to depend on a woman (a lowly being) for his sexual gratification. That would make him dependent and hence weak. So when did we, as a people move from being a homosexually driven society to a heterosexually driven one? I don’t know, I have not researched the subject.

All I know is that in this world where it is so difficult to find love (love is not to be confused with sex, which is pretty easy to find) if one does find love, I would be happy for that person irrespective of whether it is a man or woman they have fallen in love with.