Australia.....

I’ve been in Sydney for 4 weeks now. As is my norm, I want to write about the place, the people, the culture and everything in between. So here goes…..

Honestly speaking - there isn’t a lot of soul to the place. The place is steeped in history – both old and new. New history would be the European settlement – that’s just a couple of hundred years old. The old history is really old - Aboriginal people are the oldest people after Africans. Inspite of this, neither history really comes alive or has a place of its own in Sydney. Everything seems new. Everywhere you look there are banks and hotels. There are a lot of Asians in Australia – Indian sub-continenters, South East Asians, Chinese… they are everywhere. They actually are everywhere..so no surprise that they are found dime a dozen in Sydney. Australians I have met till now are neither snobbish nor warm. I guess they are very “big city folk” like – you would expect the same from people in NY or Mumbai. The one big surprise is their occasional disregard for traffic signals – mainly the pedestrians. And the best part is that, its not always the Asians breaking the law.. its normally locals. So you would see people jay walking, jostling each other when in line etc. You even hear honking fairly regularly. The trains are not clinically hygienic, they are sometimes crowded. Safety is not too much of a concern. I live at Potts Point, near Kings Cross. For the uninitiated, Kings Cross is Sydney’s so called red light area. Four weekends here including a Christmas and no untoward incidents of any kind. We sometimes see crazy folks on the train.. guys who are either genuinely crazy of high on something. Hey, we are Indians – we are used to all kinds of crazy.Lots of options to eat – for once I won’t starve, maybe reduced to begging due to the prices, but won’t starve. I’ve had samosas, dal chawal and roti subji and all very close to what they would taste back at home.

All in all, an Indian would feel quite at home except for one thing – the prices.

Have you ever tried googling – Why is Australia so… and the first option that comes is “expensive”. The main reason documented reason is that they are too far from the rest of the world, so they have high importing costs and as they don’t have as many illegal immigrants as US of A, their labour costs are high. So a normal meal costs around 8 bucks, coffee costs 3 bucks, prices on boxing day after 50-80% reductions are in 3 digits (so they are all “fraud sales” as a colleague articulated). Public transport is reasonably priced. The good thing is that shops close at 5pm. Considering that we don’t get out of office before 6, we really don’t have much chance of spending any money as it is.

The two things that stand out about Australians is sense of style and their healthy lifestyle. Both the men and women in general are drop dead gorgeous. They are tall, slim, muscular, well groomed, even better dressed and basically put us to shame with their bearing. And they all exercise. It is very difficult to find an unfit Australian – if there are obese people, they would be Asian, Italian or Spanish. A lot of folks jog to work, jog back home, cycle up and down the street, swim, surf, hike, walk and pretty much do a lot of stuff that we are unused to. They spend a lot of time with family. Go to any beach and you would see the entire family out – a mom, a dad, 3-4 kids of varying ages, their regular baggage et al. But still they enjoy themselves. It is a common sight to see a mom teaching swimming to a baby girl, or a dad teaching a young boy to surf or for young boys playing rugby or football on the beach. 

It’s a refreshing change after seeing our families where we don’t have time for each other – don’t have time to talk let alone do something fun or “outdoorsy”.

Motherhood chronicles - Abandonment

That’s what my kid is going though….

I just came back from Kerala and will not see her for more than 2 months. She lives with my parents.

Why ?– because I thought that was what was best for her.

How is being away from ones parents best for the kid? – Because I don’t have the time to look after her..

Why? – because I am busy earning money

For what? So that I can provide for her

Provide what ? Goddammit – I don’t know.

When she was little… it didn't matter who she was with. My parents love her very much – possibly my mom loves her more than I could do myself – maybe even more than she loves me. So the kid is in  very good hands. Loving grandparents who are ready to set aside their lives for her. They have their whole day and night tailored to her schedule. My dad is tied to the house because of her, my mom has not slept a proper nights sleep since she was born. They are so attached to her that it would kill them literally if I separated her from them.

So why do it? – Because she has started recognizing me. She realizes that I am her mother. She looks at me with unadulterated love and affection. She is so insecure that I am going to leave her that she clings to me when she sees me. I keep “visiting” her and each time leave without saying goodbye after 3-4 days. This time around, she knew… she knew right from the time she saw me that I was going to leave her.

What does it do to a kids psyche to know that her mom will eventually leave her?

I never say good bye. Why? Because I don’t want to create a scene. She asks for me once and then goes back to playing – at the tender age of 18 months she has to resign to fate. It never was a problem – but now it is – it rests in her sub conscious mind. She replays it at night. Doesn’t sleep – is disturbed. Keeps repeating – “amma poyi”, “renu poyi”. Is any amount of money worth this pain that I am causing her?

Is my career worth it? There is always the cliché response.. your kid only needs you for a few years and then they are independent. You loose out on opportunities if you compromise in those few years… It really doesn’t matter – they are little.. they don’t remember.

Bullshit – each of these excuses is bull shit.

I hate myself for knowing all this and still going through with my choice. I weep as I write this and still get ready for a 2 month trip abroad. To a place from where it would take me 24 hours to get to her…

And my excuse… I am doing it for her.. for her future. What a bloody mess……and no one to blame but me.

Everyday Egypt

The strong smell of cigarette smokes is the first thing that I notice when I enter the Air Egypt flight from Dubai to Cairo. Considering how stereotypical we can be, my first thought was this is some 3^rd world arab airline…. I would be surprised if they even have inflight entertainment.. maybe they have one TV for the whole airplane and maybe the flight attendants are all male or women in burkhas…. I know this is cliché, but I admit I actually thought that. So I was pleasantly surprised when the flight had a good in flight entertainment system better than Air Austria, Lufthansa, even Air France…The food wasn’t great but then vegetarian fare in non-Indian flights is anyway pathetic. The flight attendants had a modern uniform – comparable to any western airline and the service was great. Then when I land in Cairo – the ubiquitous cigarette smell welcomes me. There is a representative from my client who is waiting for me to expedite my passage through immigration. I actually thought he was going to slip in money in my passport or something… at least in India I have had a couple of instances of this when I tried to renew my passport etc…. slip a 500 rupee note and the hawaldar says everything will be taken care of. But nope, no secret handshake or note exchange – maybe it happened before I arrived or maybe it is like a monthly hafta. That is one notion that I am not ready to let go of – misery loves company and if Egypt is not as corrupt as India is, then Indians have a lot to worry about. This is the only one airport I have seen in my well travelled life where smoking is not prohibited.. people light up on will. I collect my baggage and the meet and greet guy leads me outside to the car. 

It seems so much like getting out of the airport in Hyderabad  - the lay of the land, the climate.. of the airports in India that I have seen, Hyderabad is the closest that I can compare to Cairo. Then on the ride to the hotel, the roads suddenly widen up and I get the feeling of being on the roads in Gurgaon…wide well lit roads with really fast and reckless drivers…. Something tells me that I am going to feel very much at home in the land of pyramids.

I am accompanied on this trip by two Americans, both from Houston, Texas. The male, lets call him Jim, confesses during the lunch break that sitting in the front seat of the car alongside the driver gave him the jeebies…. So I volunteered, don’t know what the fuss was all about, people being reckless, overtaking from the wrong side, potholes, honking, accidents along the roadside.. hey this was home base for me.

On the way to office, we would pass though areas of massive construction – buildings upon buildings, hundreds if not thousands of them – all unfinished and all empty. Given that Egypt is basically a desert, the whole underconstruction scene gives the place a pretty dreary and desolate look. Apparently due to the economy not doing too great, courtesy the recent revolution, money is tight. The apartments are quite expensive – say 300 to 500 K EGP (an Egyptian Pound is actually 9 times stronger than the Rupee – didn’t know that before I came here). 

When you go downtown, it is hard to differentiate the landscape from what you would see in any metro in India… the scene is replete with trash on the roads, clothes hanging off balconies, animals on the roads, huge sewers and even the occasional black and yellow autorickshaw. The vehicles on the roads - at least a lot of the cars are the same. I saw a Maruti 800, many Omnis, all variants of Hyundai from Santro to Verna to i30, lots of Camrys and Corollas, hundreds of Chevys... in fact the only brands I didn't see were Tata and Mahindra. The trucks were all Mercedes and Chevy, though they were pretty much in the same run down state that most of our Tata and Leyland trucks at home are. You can see people riding on the flatbed of autos, trailers and everything in between. This is also the first place outside India where I have seen people on Mobikes without helmets.

The people are warm, I feel safer with a driver here than I would with a driver in Delhi, but that is most probably a misplaced sense of security as our client sponsors the vehicle or the 5 star hotel at which I am staying sends it's drivers. I am sure such drivers in India would also be safe and dependable. It's the ones in the flag down taxis which you may want to think twice about.

This is my first visit to a middle eastern / Arabic / African country.. though Egypt feels more middle eastern than African. I haven't even been to Dubai and for a Malayalee that is indeed a great shame. But nevertheless, the one thing I was totally unprepared for are the ladies. I have never seen more beautiful women in my life. They are covered head to toe, but not in a penguin sort of way that most Muslims do (and I do mean to offend religious sensibilities here), but very tastefully. I have thus far met only one woman who doesn't cover her head with a hijab. The hijab always matches the dress that they wear - something like the duppatta in Indian lifestyle. All women are always in full sleeved clothes - shirts, t-shirts, tops, suits and anything else that would constitute upper torso clothing. They always have full skirts or pants covering their lower torso. So technically they are covering their whole body and are modestly dressed, but my oh my - are they stylish (and not in an Armani or Gucci kind of way, but just that they have so much grace and poise) and gorgeous or what. I wouldn't mind marrying 5 of them myself (this time I mean no offense to any one). They are extremely well educated, well spoken, profession and confident. Hope the whole Muslim world takes their example and brings women upto their standards.

                      All in all… being in Egypt is not all that different from being at home – even the language is not a challenge.. in a country like India where we pride ourselves on the hundreds of languages that we can speak.. Arabic is just one among them to me…

Writing on Writers

I think I have an eye for spotting talent - especially writers... not in a scout kind of way, but being someone who can sense the next big thing.

I remember writers who I read before they became "hot".
I read 5.someone long before Chetan Bhagat became India's GenXYZ writer and I thought this guy is amazing - he should write more.. in fact a lot of credit goes to Bhagat for spurring me to give Indian authors a chance. Before him, I was pretty much limted to Archer, Forsyth, Cook, Brown etc...Though I still think he has potential, consistency is not his forte. 5 point was followed by 2 books which if possible should have all copies worldwide picked off shelves and burnt for fuel.. maybe we can distribute these copies to the poor villagers of Bihar and UP in lieu of firewood, that way they would at least serve some purpose. But then he came up with 2 states which though completely stereotypical was a great read... I am definitely dreading his next release. History says that it would be something that could potentially serve as alternate fuel for the next couple of  years.


I read White Tiger by Adiga - in fact bought in in hard cover for 500 bucks long before it won the Man Booker and the price shot up ridiculously...I though here is a writer who doesn't gloss over the things that we as Indians think every moment and if given a chance (and a loophole to get away with murder) would actually do. Indian psyche was brutally uncovered and exposed for what it really is in the book. The good thing about Adiga is unlike Bhagat - he doesn't proclaim to be writing for masses and then write crap books which can easily be turned into Bollywood screenplays. He has consistently remained true to his core strength - his ability to understand and lay bare the innermost insecurities and psychologies of an Indian. His latest - Last Man in Tower is a classic example of his consistency.

I picked up a copy of "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett and when I finished it, I actually imagined making a movie with Whoppie Goldberg & Queen Latifah somewhere in it. Surprise surprise, there is not only a movie made (though they didn't take my casting suggestions), it actually gets an Oscar and become a box office success. When I read the book, there was so much latent talent that was palpable, that you knew instantly that she would be the next best thing. The book is not perfect.. the characters could have a lot more depth, the story could have more flow - if you had to nitpick you would have ample opportunities, but there was no denying the powerhouse that this writer could be.

Then there are writers like Mukul Deva and Amish who come with a spectacular first book - almost flawless and I know that they are doomed. When you start at the top there is no where else to go but down. The Immortals of Meluha was superb - there are a thousand superlative adjectives that I can use to describe that book (if I had that wide a vocabulary). The secret of Nagas was good and I'm frankly not looking forward to the 3rd book for the fear that it may be just average. When I read "Lashkar" I knew that this is no literary genius - but definitely an Indian Fredrick Forsyth, sans the English literature skills. So I also knew that the writer obviously can't write other that what he know - he was in the Indian army for 15 years and unless he writes a patriotic book about the Kargil war (which might still find a few takers), his career as a writer is pretty much over.

Surprise packages are folks like Parul Sharma whose delightfully funny book on Vasu or Judy Balan whose reverse take on 2 states etc offer a quick and soothing read. They may not have the potential to write stuff which top the NY bestsellers list, but they definitely have enough to keep the Indian readers engaged and interested.


Then there are books like E, E2, Then we Came to an end - which are completely whacko... they are so eccentric and idiosyncratic that it would be difficult for the writer to sustain that style of writing for long, but doesn't mean that they won't write again. But when they do, they would have to change their style and that's where the test lies to see if they can sail through as effortlessly as they did within their comfort zones.

Current favorite is a guy called Sidin Vadakut who pens a lot of stuff in blogs and such. I went through those writings but didn't find them half as impressive as his novels - the Dork Series. Am waiting for the 3rd in the series (if he plans one) with bated breath. He has meanwhile signed non-fiction book deals with Rupa.... how do I know that - he updated his FB status and he is on my friends list - not looking forward to those either.
 

Perceptions

Is it worth trying to change perceptions that people create in their minds about you? Normally my answer would be “no”. There are 6 billion people in the world and each of those 6 billion is entitled to their opinions about everything – including you. But what made me write about this topic was perceptions which have been created about me in my workplace. I’ve been with my current organization exactly for 4 years today and very much to my surprise, I haven’t hated it enough to quit. Infact I have quite enjoyed most parts of it. For the last one and a half years I’ve pretty much been home bound – pregnancy and child birth have kept me home… Though I’m not naive and I had some inkling of my general perception within my peer group, I was still taken aback at the severity of the negative perceptions that my colleagues have developed against me. I was thought of as a prolific “ass-licker” – some one who leaves no stone unturned in licking my bosses ass to get up the corporate ladder. There were some nasty comments around my absence on maternity, my workload when I was back from maternity, questions around my actual work – both quality and quantity etc.. What shocked me – and I thought I was impervious to such gossip – was a comment by an unnamed co-worker “ Did she think she was doing a favour by taking calls when she was pregnant – if getting pregnant earns better ratings, then we could all go that way”. A lot of these negative vibes were generated after I got an unexpectedly good rating at office for my mid year performance. Even I was shocked with the rating as I was out of action for almost 2 months of the 6 and even when I was in action, I was working limited hours. So I would be justified in attributing most of these comments to pure professional jealousy. But then given that this is human nature and that I need to continue working here and work with these same people, should I actually have a go at trying to mend my reputation. If yes, how do I go about this onerous and self demeaning task? I guess I have my answer – if I think of the task as self demeaning – something which I think if I engage in will make me lose respect for myself, then it’s not worth it. I’m no Mother Teresa or Aung San Suu Kyi – I don’t stand for ideals or higher causes, in fact am quite an inward focused person who pays little heed to ongoings around me, except in case they actually impact my immediate life and family. But I do have an enormous amount of self respect which many a times is misconstrued as arrogance… but I’ve always been proud of myself. Should I quit while I’m ahead, start afresh in a new place with a clean slate – where I always have the risk of my past reputation catching up with me or should I stay put, fight it out and have these same people reverse their opinions of me? Come to think of it – do I actually care what they think of me? Obviously I do and apparently enough to have me write about it – so I’m disturbed by it. So should my focus be to try and not be perturbed by such shoptalk or should it be to take these as “developmental feedback” and work upon them? I still can’t figure out what to do… so I have decided that the simple course of action is to do nothing.. let life take it’s natural course – let me take one day, one person, one comment at a time as it comes at me and deal with the way the circumstances play themselves out and hope that I can do right without losing too much of myself in the bargain.

Back in Circuit

It’s been a long time since I travelled internationally… 18 months to be exact. A lot’s transpired in life since the last time I set foot back in India from Erie, which had become almost a second home, thanks to me spending 3 months in the sleepy town and actually loving most of my stay there.

So when I decided to go back to Erie for a couple of days with a trip to Boston thrown in, I expected it to be tiring – whatever else it may turn out to be – tiring was one thing it surely would be.. 3 days spent in flights and airports for meetings which were cumulatively around 3-4 hours at the max. But then that was the nature of the job and it had to be done. So, no regrets.

I went to office the first day and met an old acquaintance who got up from his seat, came ahead and gathered me in a bear hug – my heart warmed. We asked about each others’ families, kids – we knew that business had to be discussed and dealt with – but that could wait. In today’s day and age where everything is to the point – even conversations with your spouse are limited to stuff that need to get done.. in such a world, the fact that a guy that I was meeting after a year and a half of which almost a year had gone by without much communication, was genuinely happy to see me was evidence enough to attest that human touch was still alive and throbbing….

After a couple of days in Erie, I moved onto Boston where I had to meet another acquaintance, who again was out of sight and out of mind for a long time…. He greeted me with and of course – a hug it was. Over a “business lunch” where more lunch was had and more Boston was discussed than business, we spoke as old friends would, bantering and bickering, laughing and joking and the jet lag, the fact that I was struck in the middle of nowhere and completely snowed in…. all that was suddenly forgotten and the trip was worth it… even if I didn’t get him to sign a dotted line and give me business – it was worth it. When I gave him something I had picked up for me at Mumbai airport (the fact that I picked it up at the airport shows how much thought went into it), there was genuine affection in his eyes.

This trip was turning out to be a huge morale booster for me, in more ways than I could imagine.

The feather to the cap was my trip around Boston. The day I decided to see Boston was the day that it started snowing at 7 am and predictions were that the snowing would continue till around 5 pm. So I called a cabbie who had chauffeured me a couple of days back from Boston Airport to Billerica to drop me back at the airport. He ended up giving me a round trip of downtown Boston – he showed me whatever he could, given the weather, kept up a constant commentary of the sights and people and peculiarities. A 26 year old Jordanian by birth – looking much elder than that, the youngest of 15 kids, with a nephew who was 1 and a half years elder than him, his family ran a convenience store in downtown Boston and he had been driving a cab for 4months.

What made me trust this stranger enough to trust 3-4 hours of my life with him, I don’t know. He could have easily cheated me, harmed me, done a lot of unthinkable stuff…. But instead I ended up having a really good ride and engaging conversation with a stranger whom I would most probably never meet again in my life.. very much like my driver in Venezuela who showed me around and managed to have a conversation with me without him knowing English and me speaking no Spanish.


I have time and again been reminded by life that humanity and decency still inhabit our lives… we just have to open our hearts and arms to welcome it.