Benazir is dead

I have not given a second thought to Benazir Bhutto for a very long time. Indeed, why should I? How does she affect my life? She is someone I see once in a while in TV and a politician from my neighbouring country. As I believe in total equality, I give her the same consideration and attribute the same qualities to her as I do to the politicians of my country and realistically, thats not much.

So, when today evening mom called and told me that Benazir had been assasinated, I don't know why I felt as if someone had punched me in my stomach. The face that instantly shot up into my memory was that of her in her trademark green Salwar-kameez with the dupatta on her head sitting and chatting on the Simi Garewal Show. Then I remembered, she had kids - I don't know how many, but she had kids - what would become of them now? My mom had her voice caught in her throat when she spoke about the incident.

Why did the death of someone so alien to me affect me so much?

Maybe I felt a pang of sympathy towards her as a woman trying to fight it out in a man's world.

Maybe I felt that history was reliving itself - India has seen the death of every member of the 1st family of Indian politics and we know we will see more. I believe that I considered Benazir to be a Pakistani counterpart of Indirfa Gandhi. They may have been generations apart and I am not an ardent follower of politics - but from a human level I think both of them had a lot of similar qualities. Ms. Gandhi was a lot tougher than Benazir, but India has always been a secular democracy and that does make things slightly easier than being in a Muslim country.

Maybe it is the feeling that I need to feel as a human being hearing of a fellow human beings demise. I'm sure God programmed us that way, it's just that we have brought on so much bloodshed on ourselves that we fail to be touched by it anymore.

Maybe, I was being a selfish Indian in thinking that if Benazir would have come to power in Pakistan, there may have been a glimmer of hope for peace between the two countries. Now that flame of hope has extinguished for ever.

I still cannot come to terms with the fact that she is dead. Every time a powerful or notable woman in world events passes away, it takes a very long time for the fact to sink in. I think it is because of half of the world's population who have the power to change the world, only these notable few come out. They stand as inspiration to the rest of us. With the falling of each of these pillars we get a sense of our world crumbling around us and we not being able to get the walls up and standing again soon enough!

Thats another pillar gone and I am scared because there aren't too many left in the world. Unless I and many others like me who lead protected, mediocre lives decide to build those walls, the next generation is going to be pretty much homeless.......

May God Bless Her Soul. May She Rest In Peace.

May God also bless the souls of the thousands who will die in Pakistan in the next few days in the aftermath of this one event.

Its that time of the year again

I have preponed my new year resolution blog by a week this year.

A lot has happened in the past 1 year. It started with dejections and some how has also managed to end with dejections. A lot of good things have happened in between, though.

The year started with me being jobless in Amsterdam. My contract would not be renewed, I was informed. I was over confident, coming to think of it, I don't know why. In the next 3 months, I attended countless interviews in and around Amsterdam. I even travelled to the neighbouring country. I got offers - 1 I rejected and all others rejected me. Rejection is not a great feeling. Believe me - I know. Then the day came when I left Netherlands. I remembered the days I used to yearn for home and then I there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach - I didn't want to go home...I liked my life. But that was not to be.

I came home and I was suddenly ecstatic. I realised the moment I saw my family what I was missing. The next one month was spent in fattening up.

I took up a job which I didn't want to... purely my decision, for reasons that my previous blogs will elucidate. But I met a lot of interesting people - some to be wary of for life and some keepers for life. I was miserable at work, but I had fun otherwise.

That somehow seems to be the story of my life - miserable at work and having fun otherwise.

Then I got married. Being who I am - someone who is not dreamy eyed, has not a romantic bone in my entire being and someone who is pessimissm personified, you can guess how thinks would work out. It was not as bad as I thought, have to give my husband credit for that. As if getting married and moving to a new city was not a challenge enough, I decided to quit my job and change my career direction.

So at the end of the year when I am keying this down, I am in a city that I have come to hate, with no job and no life the way I knew it. Thats perfect... but all that is about to change.

So here goes my NEW YEAR RESOLUTION FOR 2008:

1. Lose weight - This item appears in this list 3rd year in a row

2. Control my temper - This is a new entrant being attributed to my new marital status

3. Be optimistic / positive - This one will continue on this list till time immemmorial

4. Study - Some form of this resolution is always on this list

5. Get a job - This is more a necessity than a resolution

Thats a short and sweet list - very much acheivable. As ususal, will revisit next year, same time and get a status report.