Cultural differences

I was in Kerala chilling and relaxing after being back from the Netherlands where I had been for a year. I was narrating tall tales of my adventures abroad to the naive villagers.

Among them was a government health care professional, a nurse, Leelamma. She had humble roots, was married to an ex-military man, had 2 adorable children, doesn’t know much about the world and was not a great tracker of world events. She wanted to know all about life there. How did I travel, what I ate, what the people there do, how did they behave, are they good people….most importantly the obvious questions – the family structure there. Do kids live with their parents, do they love each others, and are they protective, do they marry, do they have children?????

I explained to her that I had not met too many married Dutch people; I met a lot of people in serious relationships. I met couples there who had been living together for 3 or 5 years, maybe have a kid also, but who are scared to death of getting married or have to even consider marriage. But they are totally committed to each other. They have all that we have in a marriage. I did not get a clue why they were so mortally scared of getting married…maybe it was the sense of loss of freedom.

While I was saying all this she asked me – do they really love each other or is it like they show in movies one night with one person and the other with someone else?? I thought about it and said – they were very much in love and very much exclusive in their relationships... then she asked – did they love their kids and take care of them and I said – yes, they most definitely do.. Maybe their idea of loving kids is different from ours, but they do love their kids.

So what is different between them and us, she asked? What is so important in a marriage, she asked? The question, per say did not shock me... I had thought about that much too often, but coming from her, it shocked me. Here was a married woman whose entire life was confined to an area of about 10 km in a village in Kerala and even she understood the basic fiber of human life.
We get married for various reasons. But whatever the reason, marriage as many people have told me is supposed to be a necessary evil. I don’t know about the evil part, but I think marriage is mainly construed as a hedging mechanism. It hedges the risk of you, well, dying alone. The risk is still ever present, but we try and hedge it. So, I guess in the real scheme of things, when two people love each other or care for each other, it is a matter of the heart, is there a necessity to legalise the relationship?

As Leelamma said, what a man and a woman do in the cover of darkness in the privacy of their bedroom remains the same – marriage or no marriage... so what is the big deal!!!

In another instance, I was walking towards the bus stop, one hot, humid, sultry afternoon. I was cursing the heavy jeans and the T-shirt I was wearing... Man, it was so hot!!! And then I saw a couple of Muslim women walk past me clad in black burkhas! And momentarily my thought was , are these people crazy, how can they wear all that black and cover themselves head to toe in such heat. What kind of religion teaches them that? I was convinced that they are crazy.

Anyway I caught my bus and once comfortable inside; I was gazing out the window and saw a couple of firangs. They were clad in stringed nothings and I thought to myself – what shamelessness. How can they be so…..prude?? How can they wear almost nothing and still be comfortable.

Then I realized what I was thinking now as against what I had been thinking just a few minutes back. I thought the Muslim women were crazy to be over dressed and the white people were shameless to be so under clad. When did anyone make me an authority on dressing norms? Where is it written that what I was wearing was appropriate?

The realization stuck me very hard that it was not just me who thought likewise. A whole bunch of Indians … why limit myself to Indians, a whole bunch of people in the world think on these lines…It is so silly that a race as evolved as the human race still fights or judges others on matters as trivial as what you wear. If a girl wears low waist jeans she’s got to be a bitch, if a guy wears a floral shirt, he is gay for sure!

When do we actually break out of the confines of our petty thoughts? When do we actually become the advanced of all the species on earth?

No time soon, I think…

Tale of 2 lives

Sometimes years go by before something noteworthy happens in your life and sometimes things just happen so fast that you don’t have time to note them..

In the past 12 months, my own life has just zipped past me and looking back it seems like one of those mega starrer Bollywood dish out – something like "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham" (literally). Its just that I’m both the Amitabh Bacchan and the Shah Rukh Khan of the movie, and at times the Hrithik Roshan too.

First I stood up to my principles of working for job satisfaction by taking up a job in a small firm in Mumbai. I put forward my family and the quality of my prospective work to the money that I was going to earn.

Then I backed out on those very principles, because, hey – I’m human and hence inherently greedy. I took up a job which paid me a lot more, guaranteed total brain numbness and took me to Europe.

I left my friends and family and it was here that the Bollywood part of my life comes into play. Tears galore. Heart breaks abundant. But still – one has to go…

Once in Europe, I was almost living my dreams, just almost. I had found a most wonderous group of friends. I traveled and partied and had fun. I saw Buckingham palace and climbed the Pisa tower. I played kai kotti kali, margam kali, went dressed in a sari to a James bond theme party, toured the famed Amsterdam “De Wall” - red light area….it was almost a dream.

The only thing which made it otherwise was the mundane activity of going to office everyday and doing something which added absolutely no value to anything in the world. But as I said before I had already given up my principles.

Then the world literally comes crashing down on me…I discover that my contract is not renewed. It comes as an instant pain and relief. Pain because – I don’t know why – the job was not important – all that the job was giving me certainly was. The financial strength, the European life… I was beginning to like and enjoy it all. Then there ensued a typical melodramatic sequence of me attending something like a dozen interviews in a foreign country which was becoming more and more alienated from me everyday. Rejections and more rejections – they became my constant companion in those last few days in Europe.

My last day in Amsterdam was almost as painful as the one 274 days before when I left India. I could have won an Oscar over that scene, the only thing being that my tears and the ache deep down in my heart were real. I was leaving my surrogate families to be with my real ones. What should one feel in such a moment? Sorrow or joy? I don’t know. I ended up watching 3 movies back to back on my flight which made sure that I forgot the sorrow and was not prepared for the joy.

Welcome back to India

I come with the idea of not getting into the 1st high paying job that I get. But hey, have you forgotten? I’m fickle minded, money wins again. I take a job that I had sworn that I would never do simply because I knew how miserable I would be from day one. And I was right. Or maybe it was the other way around. I was miserable because I had a pre conceived notion that I would be so. And so, whatever the reason, miserable I was in my job.

Meanwhile I bought a new car. After 7 years there is a car which my family can call its own and that too a brand new one at that.

And then I also succeed in not scaring off a guy, which means that I’m well on my way to marriage.

Two jobs, two countries and two major personal events.

Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s a lot of excitement for a year!!!!! And I'm sure there’s more where this came from!

Corporate Screening

Yesterday evening I went to the movies. The company that I work for had arranged for a corporate screening. I was impressed. Pirates of the Carribean - At Worlds end - Imax - Wadala - Rs.180/- a piece tickets. I was impressed. I was sub-consciously comparing the theaters, the seating, the crowds to the ones I had encountered in Amsterdam (where in my short stay of 9 months I ended up seeing more Hindi movies that I had done in 22 years in Mumbai!). It was an even competetion. The theatre was plush, the prices of snacks and drinks were day light robbery, the crowd was cool. Modern India was looking more and more westernised.

Inside the theater, I was seated comfortable with my Rs.110/- popcorn and my Rs.45 drink. There were chicks with low cut jeans and navel displaying tops. There were dudes wearing what can best be described as metrosexual clothes. They had the latest gadgets, they spoke in the typical Mumbai English with a lot of "Yaar", "Dude", "Bugger", "I swear" and other choice words & phrases thrown in for good effect in every sentence.

The movie was about to begin. The lights were dimmed.

Then came the anouncement - Please stand up for the National Anthem. For once there was unity in India. All in the hall - and I mean every single soul got up. Babes chatting away on phones, cut the calls. Guys who were loaded with popcorn and samosas and hunting for their seats or girlfriends or both stood still. There was no movement in the hall when the anthem was being rendered. I could feel the passion in the room.

We might speak English better than the British, we might have more gadgets than the Japanese, we might be bigger fans of Levis, Pepsi and Nike than the Americans - but we were all Indians and we were proud of that fact.

The movie was fantastic (if you don't search for a story), Jhonny Depp was so cute and the evening was really enjoyable. But what I will remember for years to come is not the movie or the popcorn. But the moment when a hall full of youngsters, often blamed of being too westernised and being disrespectful towards the motherland - stood up in unison to the National Anthem.

Jai Hind!!!!!